Hi. Today was horrible. I tried to be like Kevin and read almost all day, but I had no idea what was happening. So instead I read the same paragraph over and over again. I think they just left Weathertop, I'm not to sure. Kevin is reading the Lord of the Rings. I watched the movies with Kevin, but I have not been paying attention to the book at all. Anyway I think Kevin has shut me out. I think after last night he shut me out because of what Jannessa said. He started to cry again just an hour ago. I feel really sorry for him. One question did this to him. If he were to ever ask Jannessa out and she rejected, Kevin might never recover. But if she didn't reject him then Kevin would be a lot more happy. He would do his best to stay her boyfriend, I know that much. I know much more as well. Like Kevin would always try his best to get her something on her birthday. He wouldn't overload her with presents, that's just not him. Like if he were to give Jannessa a present everyday she would leave him much quicker, unless if she likes to get a present everyday, but I'm sure she is not a needy rich kid who gets something useless everyday of her life. If she was she would expect something from Kevin by now and would probably bully him for having a poor family. But yeah, if Kevin were to ask Jannessa out and she said yes, Kevin would be much happier then he is now. By the way Kevin says that he goes days without sleeping, yeah well that's a lie, well he doesn't know it's a lie, so it's an accidental lie. Every now and then in the night he will drift off to sleep. Now he doesn't know it, but to him he blinks, not fall to sleep. So in these small times of sleep he dreams. These dreams are short and generally very kind dreams. Like last night he drifted to sleep and he dreamed about having his Battle of the Pures book win an award. But he mostly dreams about Jannessa, more specifically a future with her. Like a married future. But it's not just a future, most of the time when he dreams about her it takes place in the present day, not 10 years from now. Like before she said that she had a thing during the Imagine Dragons concert, 9 out of 10 dreams would be him and her at the concert spending time together. Now in his dreams the concert is shadowed in sadness. he hopped for so long for it to be a yes, but sadly Jannessa has a thing with church. If only it ended sometime before 6, then this cloud of depression would pass over Kevin. But it starts around 6. If only either her church thing ended by 6, or the concert was not on the 18th. And was on the 21st instead. That's a Saturday by the way. I know there will always be another chance for Kevin to be able to spend time with Jannessa. I know there will always be another chance. but this one was a no. The next one might be a yes, but Kevin doesn't believe that anymore. I was bale to get him to believe that fo about six hours but now he doesn't. And Jannessa, this is not your fault. it's more of mine since I kept encouraging him to ask you. And i kept boosting his hope. This is my fault that he's like this. Not yours Jannessa. But if you want to blame yourself, go ahead. Nothing I will say will get you to stop blaming yourself. Just know that if something like this were to happen to you, and Kevin was able to help, he would. I mean if the song that puts you most into his head is Everything Good (by Ashes Remain) he would do everything he could to help you. And that's Jannessa now.
