i know i didn't make an update yesterday. yesterday is a day i want to disappear. i'm guessing you want to know why. well i guess i shall. okay so yesterday was worse than horribly terrible. Yesterday Was Really Horribly Terribly Horrible. yesterday was going like everyday, get bullied every passing period, cry by last mod, and wait for Jannessa to say something. that's been everyday i've been to school so far. but i know it will never stop, it will either stay how it is, or get progressively worse. so...so far in gym, or whatever you call it, we've played tennis nearly everyday now. in my gym class there is this girl named Olivia. nice person she is, but...anyway...she is a nice person and i play tennis with her and her friend Madison. and for the last two days another girl named Megan, i would never really call her friend but who cares? and well yesterday when everyone had to start heading in Olivia and Madison put their rackets away and pretty much ran towards the doors to go back inside. as i saw this i thought, "well, i guess they are best friends, best friends always have their friend's back...some one i'll never have." and then started the spiral downwards to crying on gym, which has miles (i will never capitalize that name) in it, and well he was one of the bullies, still is, but he will never admit to it, no one ever does. but after i got my normal clothes on (yes, there are gym uniform things, i don't like them) i went to a place to sit down, i sat down, pulled my knees to my face, put my head on my knees, and started crying. i crossed my arms around my head so no one could hear my already quite cries. and to my surprise some people actually came over and asked my if i was okay. i wasn't okay. i answered by saying, "i just came to my senses of what i'll never have," or, "i just realized what i am." i am a pathetic, broken object that is throne a lot (remember that please). to be honest i though one of the people that would come over and ask if i was okay would be Olivia, well anything that kevin thinks is good will never happen. and, well, she didn't come over. in the hallway i kept crying, telling myself i was pathetic. i was broken. i was shattered. i was hated. i was alone, and i'll always and forever will be alone. algebra, cried all throughout it. tears endlessly falling from my sad eyes. next mod i still cried, and i was pulled out of class. about the bullying or something. i don't really remember. all i know is that i hid my tears still. got back to class, resume the crying. walk home forced to hold it in because of bruce. all i ever wanted to do was walk home alone and sit alone at lunch. those were the only times i could get by myself. now look at them. lunch i'm stuck sitting with two girls that curse too much. and i'm stuck walking with bruce. all i wanted to do was go alone. i'm so used to being alone i can't handle being with some one else. but for those two things i wanted to be alone, i planned on being alone, i begged to be alone...didn't go anywhere. last year i was stuck sitting with people filled with curses, inappropriate things kevin will never say, and more. last year kevin was stuck riding a bus with miles, the same one that bullies me. today i was crying by gym again. still saying i'm pathetic. i am. i am a pathetic, broken object that gets throne a lot. being dropped everytime someone is supposed to catch it. that no one ever bothers to fix. well maybe one person. unknowingly anyway. bit by bit i fix myself in their presence. i'll never be able to talk to them, but-but nothing. i'm shattered across multiple places. i'm broken. i'm pathetic. i only have one friend, and if history is to repeat itself then she'll backstab me. she'll leave me to die. she'll throw me away. i'm pathetic. always looking down on good things. i'm broken, pathetic, hopeless, useless, and a cry baby. but i hide my crying from everyone. i'll just be even more broken by the end of the year when history repeats itself. i-i-i will only by a pathetic loser that will never do anything good in their life. i will only be pathetic. i can only be pathetic. i can't be anything else. i hate being kevin. being kevin is a pathetic, broken object that is throne a lot. that's the meaning of kevin. a pathetic, broken object that is throne a lot. that's i am, that all i will ever be. pathetic, broken object that is shattered...
