I'm sorry. I didn't plan to make this Update, nor do I plan for most of these Updates. That's one of the fun things about them. They are random, and there is little to no planning for them. Anyway, thanks to ashley, I am no peeved off. she accoused me of doing nothing, and wasting my life on research for such things, as YouTube, and writing. Saying, "We are kids, we have nothing to do now." Your 14! I'm 16! I HAVE to find out what I am, or make a living right now or I'm in for a terrible time! I'm FORCED to make these types of dessicions. Yes, I know that most people don't make these dessicions until they are like 17, 18, and 19. But I'm making them early. I know I don't have the best mind, or problem solving skills. But I'm doing all of this for a reason! A reason that matters for me personally! hopefully a good one... Besides, right now it would be a waste of turning around and running. I've spent so many hours on this. To run away is to...I'm not running. No matter what you, or what anyone says. Running at this point is a crime to myself, and is me throwing this hope aside for nothing. I will not waste my time. I will not throw this plan that I've spent whole nights on. Right now this is all I've got for me. I don't have a talent like ashely, or James, or most people. So right now, doing this type of stupid this is all I have. For someone like me, where I have no telent, except for my talent of making people hate me, and forcing my friends away because of my own hopelessness and my own darkness. I don't want to be hopeless. And besides. I don't really like YouTube. It's a damn system that you need to follow, and not following it is a great risk, one that doesn't allways reap rewards. I'm not really a fan of it, but I've spent so much time planning, and thinking. Right now where YouTube is one of the only ways that I can spread my word. I've planned everything accordingly. I may be dead stupid, but I can still put all my brain power into something. Ugh. I'm sorry. Unlike ashley, I'm planning my future. she isn't doing anything. she is just like bruce. she does nothing and sits around all day. I may sit around all day, but I'm either doing research for something, or I'm writing in my story, or I'm practice writing. I'm not doing nothing. When I'm playing games I'm also watching videos. Not many information videos, but I do do other things. I may not help around the house much, but I'm so cought up with my problems, my thoughts, and my plans. Yes, at times it is painful. At other times it's easy, for I had thought that something would happen. Again, I'm sorry for venting to you. Though, at times it helps, at other times it does not. Like the other day. The last one where I was crying. The one where I said "Jannessa doesn't like me". That Update did not help. It made me feel alone, escpecially when I needed someone to talk to. I feel alone and like I'm only talking to myself in those types of Updates. Oh, I don't think I said this before now, that Update, I hardly think is true. I don't beleive Jannessa doesn't like me, and if she doesn't, alright. I'll still cry when I find it out. But I don't think she doesn't like me. It's just a thought. Nothing else. I still like her a lot. But I won't ever say that she doesn't like me, even when I don't know for sure. Just thought I'd share that with you.
I came into this mad, and now I'm calm. These things do help with my mood sometimes, and they do help me for writing purposes. Anyway, so I'm done ranting on with nothing. I'm going to do... something. I don't know what. Either write or play a game. I'll see you later I supose.
