Okay, so before I get into the meat of this Update I have to say something first. I tend to over exaggerate things, and be over dramatic for simple things, such as hand gestures, and small random things that I only do to joke with myself. The reason why I'm saying this is because I over exaggerate this family and how I talk about them. They aren't as bad as I say they are. They are still mean as hell, but they aren't as mean as I say they are. I still see hate in their eyes, but I see hate in every pair of eyes, so that is just there because I put it there. Their words hardly carry meaning most times. And Bruce isn't as much as a brat as I said a long while ago. dad...yeah no...everything I say about him is true, and if it's not, then it might be. I have a decent relationship with this family, but I'm the outsider here. They all talk, and I'm quite and tend to stay away and out of anything. I am the punching bag of the family, not literally, they yell at me a lot. Most times in utter anger, but every now and then it will be of something random and not pointed at me. Anyway, so Mom and I have a good enough relationship. I talk to her, not a lot anymore. I fell out of that when I turned 12. We both love Imagine Dragons, if it weren't for Mah I would not be such a big fan as I am now. Anyway, so Origins came out late yesterday afternoon, and I said I'd show her some of the songs today. Started with Machine, then to Zero, then Whatever It Takes, Thunder, Bet My Life, It's Time, most of which she heard. Then I picked out Bullet In A Gun, a new song off Origins. She thought it was decent. By the way I was singing along to each song. And before I continue with my story I have to tell you how I sing songs. There are three different ways I sing songs.
1st: I sing it because I like the song, I put little to no feeling into my voice as I sing. So there is no way to look at the locked door when I sing this way
2nd: I sing the song because it is one of my favorite songs so I put a little feeling. Not enought to open the locked door
3rd: I realate to the song in some way or form so I put all my feeling into singing it. Eough so people can look into me, see through the locked door inside of me. So they can easily look into me if they try
Depending on the song depends on how I sing it. Problem is, all Imagine Dragons' songs are in the 2nd and 3rd way I sing. More 2nd than 3rd. Anyway, so the song that came after Bullet In A Gun was Bad Liar. It fits in the 3rd catagory. And I couldn't help but sing to it. I realate to Bad Liar, all of it. And Mah noticed it. She then said something like, "There was something in how you sang that."
Then I replied with, "You can probably get it in three guesses."
Mah said, "It's probably a girl."
I said, "You're on the right track."
Then Mah said, "It has to do with Jannessa." And she was right. After Bad Liar there were a few other songs, not by Imagine Dragons. Then I picked out West Coast. Another song that fits in the 3rd catagory. Mah saw it again. After the first half of the first chorus she said, "Finish school, then get a job and save your money, then you two'd be able to be together." Her words echo with pain inside me. Mah doesn't know much of anything that I do. Other than what I say. After what happened last year I stopped talking to her mostly. I closed the door to my soul and locked it. I never did that before then. I was hurt badly and to keep myself away from everyone was the best thing I could do so I wouldn't be hurt even more. When that song ended Zero came back on and then another song that I forget. I left after that one and went to the bathroom on the other side of the trailer, oppiste of where Mah was and cried. For the first time in the middle of the day since a long time I cried. I was able to hide them later when Mah asked if I wanted to come with her to pick up James and Brian. I did and she didn't see anything, at least that's what I think. If I could sing one song in front of Jannessa it would have to be West Coast, out of every other song out there I would sing West Coast. Yes, it is a love song, but it differnent then all the other ones that I hear. To me anyway. I recomend you go listen to West Coast to get a better message from this Update.
When we were in the car I was going to say, "I'm sorry I don't talk to you much," to Mah. But I didn't do that, I don't know why, but I did not.
Even now I'm trying not to cry. I've been listening to West Coast on loop for half an hour. I love the song, and I know it by heart. Yet another thing that explains my love for Jannessa.
