Okay, so yesterday I made first video, blah blah blah, who cares? No one. That video only has one view, which was me. Whatever. No one's interested in Zombies. Yes, I do plan to do Kingdom Hearts. I just need the ability to make longer than 15 minute videos, which for that I need a phone. I could ask Mah right now. But I don't want to bother her with anything. And this is why I hardly talk to her. Because I don't want to bother her. I don't want to bother anyone. Let alone talk to anyone here.
I cried again today. Majorly cried. Oddly enough it did not take place while I was in the shower. I cried just a while ago in bed. Like an hour ago. And like I normaly do things I cried as if I was talking to someone. Which I wasn't talking to anyone. I'm tired of being alone. I'm just tired of it. Those damn voices I push back for a reason. Yet now, since I'm alone again, they sound like the only friends I'll have again. Which is not true, that's what I hope anyway. Megan isn't my friend. All thanks to ashley wanting to do Saturday D&D with me. And because of her I HAD to drop out. All thanks to her. Now Megan doesn't talk to me. So thats -1 friend.
sigh
The situation with Jannessa doesn't help. It's because of me that our friendship nearly doesn't exist. And I've taken it upon myself to save what's left of it. Though I can hardly find the pieces. I'm stumbling in the darkness for all that I can get my hands on. Though, I feel like the more i try the more i lose...and i don't...want to lose it all...i almost lost it all before...and that toke me months to recover...this one...will surely take longer...even if i were to have help...i'm one of those kids...that ask for the impossible on christmas...alwways have...like now...i just a way to save this friendship... but that's damn near impossible...i know it by heart...its in my dreams...in my thoughts... everywhere i look...damnit STOP IT! Sorry.
