About 11 months ago I said something terrible. Something I hate. Something I wish I could delete from all memories. Something I wish I have never said. But what I said has stappled my life, changed it, and formed it to what it is today. It has changed the way I make these Updates. It has changed my friendships. It has changed so much, in both a good and bad way. It has made me more carefull of what I write down it these Updates. That is both good and bad. Good becuase I watch what I write. I am careful not to write something hurtful again. But bad because it has restricted me from exressing myself completely, but I have worked around it. What I said was hurtful, yes. And in all means it is terrible to say, and I know that I should never have said it. I know by heart my mistakes. I know by heart what I must do to fix that mistake. I know by heart the actions I must take to reach a goal that I have set for myself. I know by heart what I must never do again. Because of what I said I retrian myself from getting too angry with something. I retrain myself from diving too deep into the sea of rage and hate within me. I no longer go in too deep, I only wet my ankles and feet in the sea waters. I no longer drown in my hate. I no longer drown in my rage and anger. But I float on top of it and watch as the waves calm. I no longer will ever look into it, but I look away from it with distaste. No longer will I ever see it in the light, but I will see it in the shadow of light. Telling me to look back and not go to further. I will no longer let the hurt and pain corrupt me. In stead I will face it will me compassion and see it thrown away. I will face it with my love and see it shrink. I will face it with all I have to see the corruption that is part of me go away and never come back. About 11 months ago I made a mistake. And since then I have changed in more ways than one. And becuase of it I have gone through tough times. About 11 months ago I felt that there was no hope for me. That my friend hated me and would never want to talk to me. About 11 months ago I blammed it all on me. I still do. For if I never said anything that day my life would have changed. 3 months after I made a plan. I made a plan to save the friendship that I ruined. That plan is coming to an end now. About 2 months from now that plan will hopefully be a success.
About 11 months ago I knew my life was over. 11 months later I know that my life has yet to blossum into a flower. A flower that will effect many lives. A flower so strange that it is beautiful. About 11 months ago I gave up on my dream. 11 months later that dream has only gotten stronger. My ability to reach that dream has only risen. And I will do all in my power to grabe that dream and never let go.
11 months ago I was Kevin Staley. A person who could only ruin his life. A person not worth the effort to help. A person who should disappear.
11 months later I am Kevin Staley. A person who will never again ruin his life. A person who is worth the effort to help. A person who will make a mark on this world no matter how small, no matter how big.
11 months from now I will be Kevin Staley. A person who will look past his problem and to the future. A person who will help those around him no matter the cost. A person who will not let others fade away. A person that will do all he can to reach out and grab your hand.
About 11 months ago I said something terrible. Something I hate. Something I wish I could delete from all memories. Something I wish I have never said.
We all will look past it and let it fade into the back of our minds. We will forgive and forget.
