To Sylvana with me! I freaking hate myself so freaking much! ARGHHH!
Sorry, I had to let that out.
I was just going through my Gmail deleting anything that I had no interest in. Mainly Spodify things, and Facebook, which I never really wanted. Anyway, so while I was going through it I saw things from Wattpad, though that was relitivily normal, but these were new...ish. See, a while ago, like months ago, I stopped getting notification's through Gmail when Jannessa used to PM me (Ha, look at me. Using the proper terms of the internet. I'm soo proud). For a few months I haven't been getting any of these notifications, so I turned them off, for the entire app. Now, today when I was goinng through them I saw these emails telling me that Jannessa had PMed me. So, I didn't delete these for future reference. I'm not watching any short video Spodify. I'm writing. Well, might as well click the button for 30 minutes of ad free music. Sorry, where was I? Oh-yeah. So I didn't delete any of these new emails telling me that Jannessa had said something. I ended up reading these and got confused on what we were taling about. So I closed out of Gmail and came here to Wattpad to read what we were talking about. I went all the way back to April and started reading.
"Normal. Okay. Hey! I mentioned Naruto to her! Wow, was I really that open on what I was watching. 20 episodes? Yeah, I was that open. Well, I still am so that hasn't changed (I'm still watching Naruto Shippuden, and it is currently so awsome!)."
That was what I was thinking for a small portion of what I was reading. Then I scrolled up and saw a message that made me cry. She said, and I quote, "Please don't let it hurt you anymore. I don't want to think that I'm basically hurting you because it's all my fault."
Sorry, I can't quote her right now. Curse you Spodify! I love this song for multiple reasons! But it makes me want to cry! Curse you!
Sorry about that too. Let It Out started playing, it's the 3rd, or 2nd ending song for Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood. A good anime, like one of the best in my opinion. All five parts are on Netflix if you want to watch it.
Anyway, I can't quote Jannessa right now becuase when I went to look back at what she said I started reading more things she said (Hi, Editing Kevin here. I forced myself to finish the quote). She said that she liked this journal. She liked it because I was good at it and that I expressed myself, which is something no one does anymore. And I am going to tell you, everything that I read I took to heart. Like a spear that went through my heart, not an arrow which only peirces the heart with a small hole. Her words completely took most of my heart, like a spear, which makes a big hole. Her words didn't make a hole. It filled it. Dangit. I fell much better now. If only I went to what we talked about much earlier. Jannessa, I promise from this point on I won't let what I did hurt me anymore. Becuase lately that has been hurting me. But from now on it won't hurt me, I promise. And you better believe it!
