I Feel Very Much Alone Now. see, ashley is on discord or something talking to her group of friends. james is playing Destiny with his friends. bruce is playing League of Legends, with people. mom is probably talking to her friend over messenger. while i'm here. alone, and forgotten. it's Friday. it's the weekend. and everyone is hanging out with their friends or family. people are talking to their friends by text. people are going to their friends house to play games, hang out, talk, or whatever they do with their friends. people are doing things with their families. not to mention people are doing what they like while being with friends. drawing, playing games, bullying people, making music, etc. but never writing. no one reads anymore. no one appreciates others writing abilities anymore. part of me wants to stop writing, i don't want to stop writing. but it seems that people don't care about anyone elses imagination. few people do. i want to continue writing, i want to keep expanding on my world. but now it seems no one cares. whatever...
sometimes i wish i could replace myself with someone, like switch lives. just for one day. sometimes i wish i could know what it's like to have a lot of friends, a great family. sometimes i wish my life was just a dream. that everytime i go to sleep i'll wake up in a completely new place, with an actual life. i miss out on so much. i've missed out on family, i've missed out on friends, i've missed out on everything the past 15 years. i've missed out on knowing goodness in others, until recently. i've missed out on liking someone, also until recently. those two things i've missed out on until Jannessa. Jannessa is the first person to help me. Jannessa is the first person to see me as their friend. Jannessa is the first girl that i've ever liked. Jannessa is the first person to care enough to make a promise and keep it for nearly three months. (it's my fault that the promise is no longer a thing) Jannessa is the first girl that i have ever dreamed about. Jannessa is the first person i can say i love. i may not know her as much as most do, but i know that she cares enough to make a promise and keep it, i know that she was the first person to accept me as a friend, i know that she is the first person to try and help me, i know that she is the first person i can trust, and i know what it means to love. even if she says that i don't. i can hardly stop looking at her when she is nearby. i can never stop thinking of her. i can never stop dreaming about her. and i don't want to stop thinking about Jannessa, i don't want to stop dreaming about Jannessa. i don't ever want to stop. the question that i asked her a few days ago means so much to me, if she says yes. if not, then, well, there may never be another chance for me to spend some time with her. sure i'll also be stuck with mom and ashley, but i don't care. if she says yes then that's all i'll ever care about. not Imagine Dragons, not anything else. just the time spent with Jannessa, if she says yes. which i really hope she does. but i wont know for a while. i really hope she says yes. please say yes.
