*Note*
First of all, there is a perfectly good reason why my profile picture has changed, I plan on releasing the first few chapters in the new and improved Battle of the Pures Book 1 Faint Destiny. I think you might like it, I completely got rid of the old one, and started anew. This time you will learn more about certain characters, and I'm properly pacing it. Expect the first chapter on 1/1/18. I'm starting the new year my way, no one elses. Now, time to actually go into the update itself.
*End of Note*
all day i've felt guilty. why? well because of what i've done. i've tried my best to hide how i actually feel in the past few updates, but really i've felt terrible, horrible, and it keeps getting worse. i was only in a good mood the other day. but that mood ended as quickly as it came, maybe even quicker. see, i'm not like you people. where i can get over something big in a snap. the only person that knew how i felt, until now anyway, was Olivia. who is in my gym and algebra class. she would be one of the three only people i can trust. the other two are Meghan and Jannessa. she knows where i've been recently and why, and she hasn't told anyone. tomorrow i'll try and tell her about this, Wattpad i mean. not just this update in general. but my account on here. if she does actually comes on here and does what everyone else has, and follows me, then that means i can talk to the only three i have complete trust in. well almost all three of them. one of them i have to be much more careful. not saying who. anyway, back to what i was talking about. today in gym sh asked me why i looked sad, and i told her i felt guilty. she said was it what people were saying i did, i shouldn't feel guilty for something i didn't do. i told her that i felt guilty on the thing i said, and how what i said scared Jannessa, and she told me i shouldn't feel guilty about it. she told me not to feel guilty about it if Jannessa knew i didn't mean it like that. her advice didn't really work. i've tried not thinking about it, but that just made it worse. i keep feeling worse and worse. gym is nothing but pool now. i'm terrified of water. really terrified of it. but now everytime i go there i force myself not to change into my gym uniform, which is what i would use for swimming. because i know that if i go into that pool, i'd purpasfully drown myself. i'm not kidding. this horrible feeling is that bad. all i feel is that i'm a jerk, i'm something that shouldn't exist. i feel like as a-hole, sorry, i feel like i was never a good person, that i would only make others hate me. i'm stupid, i'm heartless, and everyone will only hate me. nothing will ever be good, and i'm never going to do anything good in my life. all i'e done so far is accidentally threaten the person i liked. no matter how many times i say sorry i'll never be forgiven. i'm a stupid, good-for-nothing creture that will never be love, and by what's been going on recently, that's true, that's really true. i shouldn't even be writing this, but i am. i don't want to get in that pool, but i can't hold back how i feel much longer. i can't go in that pool, i know i will drown myself. i'm nothing but a burden. i've wasted all of your time. i've wasted Jannessa's time the most...i can't...i.............i'm a monster...i'm nothing but a monster...something that...that should...should go away and die...that's all i'll ever be good for...i don't want to die...but the number of others that want me to die...they keep growing...and growing...and growing...why do they hate me...i'm a useless, good-for-nothing, stupid, jerk...(jerk in Kevin Terms means a creature of worse intention, something that will never be loved or cared for)...jerk jerk jerk...all i hear is i'm a jerk...i'm a jerk...i'm a jerk...i'm a jerk...i'm a jerk...jerk jerk jerk...that's all i hear...i'm a horrible human, if i even am that...
