so, i was just going back through Jannessa's and mine texts. i could only go as far back as October 12th. which, made me sad. i know wish that i had somewhat recorded it in a way, not like video, but like write it down in another journal esc thing. like make a Google doc that went all the way back from the beginning.
i was crying last night. all because of what i said, and because what's coming up in seven days. Jannessa's promise. she made it on the 17th of June last year. i hated myself for breaking it three times. and on the third time telling her to forget her promise. since then i've never forgiven myself for telling her to forget the promise that she made. a promise that meant so much to me. and no every time i think of the promise she made, i cry. right now i'm not crying, because i'm watch Naruto. its distracting me from crying. her promise gave me something to look forward to everyday, and since i told her to forget it i've felt bad. she spen so much of her time doing her promise, and now that that is gone it feels like i wasted her time. i miss her promise. honestly, if i could do one or the other, i would rather have her promise than to have never said anything that day. it doesn't matter which one, i'd still cry most nights over them. i miss her promise.
part of my pant leg is stained with tears. i can see the esge of the tears. some of the tear stains are bigger than others.
i'm sorry Jannessa. i'm so very sorry. i'm sorry.
