so school started 6 days ago. each one i was bullied. but each day progressively got worse then the last one. just Friday it went from 14 To 50. that makes no sense, but i'm keeping it. i've stopped scratching my hand. i realized the more i scratched the more i would think of Jannessa. i don't want to go to school. but i'll deal with all the bullying everyday so i can see Jannessa. and hopefully sum up enough courage to talk to her, and possibly ask her out. now, there is a problem though, usually couples go on dates on dates one person uses their money. i have no money, and i wont have any until i get a job, which will be in a year, hopefully. and i don't want Jannessa to use her money, if she has any anyway. if she reads this journal/dairy it could make it easier for me to try to sum up enough courage to just talk to her. but even then i highly doubt it. Kevin isn't someone to be brave. all his life he's been a shy coward scared of everyone. i'm not someone to be brave. i never will be. to be honest i'm seeing myself getting in a fight sometime in highschool. i won't fight back though. i mean, what's the point in fighting back? what do i have to prove by fighting back? prove that i care about myself? prove that i have dreams? prove that i am a human? prove anything at all? if you get into a fight and you weren't the attacker, don't fight back. your just showing that your just as good as them. i will never fight back. unless if i'm protecting someone or something i love. be it with words or fists. i will only protect others, not myself. if someone else tries to protect me i'll throw them out of the way to protect them. if i can't and they get hurt, well i couldn't live with myself. to be even more honest while i'm talking about being in a fight in school. all i see is a person beating me down and Jannessa getting in the way and getting hurt. if that happens i actually couldn't live with myself she would have gotten hurt because of me if that were ever to happen, well, i'm not a quick thinker, but i know i wont let them hurt Jannessa again, i probably would still refuse to fight back, i'll probably just get their attention on me until an adult comes around. i mean there will most likely be a crowd around this fight. i will never hurt anyone. i will jot engage in a fight, unless if i'm protecting someone, or something.
