do you think this dairy/journal is fake? well it's not. it has never been fake. for the last 7 months that these journals/dairies have existed i have put myself into words. into pages that no one thinks are real. and i can't prove that these are real. so you are just going to say these are nothing but lies. you say that i don't love Jannessa. you say that i never went to kill myself. you say anything you want.mi do love Jannessa, and i had gone to kill myself. i do hear voices. i have named them. i do care for Jannessa. i do don't care for myself. i do hate myself. i am bullied. for the past 229 Updates i've told you everything. i struggled to just put Jannessa's name down for a long time. now all i can think about is Jannessa. for the past 229 Updates i've told nothing but the truth and about 3 or 4 lies. i've told you everything. and i will keep telling you everything. even if you think i'm saying nothing but lies. i will keep talking. i will keep doing this. even if you hate me for it. even if you want me to stop. even if you want to kill me. i will always make an update. this journal/dairy thing is all i do now. other than talk to Jannessa every night. i wish i could know if she reads this. i wish i could know if Jannessa reads this. if only i could tell. but i do nothing but kick myself. i dream of everything, but i only kick myself down. telling myself i'll never reach my dream. i'll never reach my goals. i will never be loved. i will never have a family. i will only have myself to help me. i will only be alone. i want to act on a dream. but i can't. i never will.
why do i do this to myself?
