bruce should die. I'm sorry. But he should. He takes everything like it's directed at him in a bad way. You could compliment him and he would either yell at you, or start talking about himself like he a damn king. Which he will never be. There is no way in this world that he will ever become a leader. Not in any damn way. I'm sorry. But he was just complaining about how he dind't play on the Playstation at all in the past two days. Which is a lie. He played for 8 hours yesterday. EIGHT! That's 33% of a day. I can't wait until he is out of my life forever. Older brother my butt. He's never been anything like an older brother. He makes fun of me, like how the bullies did in school. Curses all the time at something unnessasary. Something bad happens in his game and he starts saying the f word for thirty seconds, while screaming at the top of his lungs. I just hate him. He keeps fake punching and kicking me, and he keeps grabbing my neck. He grabs it and tightens his grip. It's painful, yet I have no bruise. So I can't say anything about it to anyone and have them believe me. He likes the cold, so everynight I get sicker and sicker becuase the fan and window are on and open every single night. Even in the winter. Yet I still went to school in my sickness becuase I didn't want to bother Mah or dad, when he was home. And he says that someone could turn the fan off, yet almost instantly when the fans turns off he turns it on. So that forces me to get sick, and cold. I
hate him. I really do. I'm tired of what he does. Oh, and after he played on the Playstation yesterday he forced everyone to play DnD. Forced everyone and forced me to make him get into a fight. I hate him. He's making MY game into HIS game. Not to mention he kicks me off the Playstation when he wants on. NO matter what I am doing. So now I have to play in the early morning before he wakes up. If the Playstation was mine I'd keep watching him play and force him off after an hour. Forcicng him not to play again that day. MY Playstation, MY rules.
I'm sorry. Just he yelled at everyone because he was "joking". Bad "joke". BAD "joke". He said something stupid and said he liked the cold. Then he yelled at everyone. I knew it was coming. He is easy to read. Part of me wants to remove this family from my life when I move out. And I just might do that. The only one that I might keep talking to is James. Because even when he is in a bad mood he is still able to do things with. Unlike bruce, who doesn't do anything with anyone in general. James is better in every way. He is reasonable, he knows what he should and should not do.
I better stop doing this. It just makes it worse everytime. Brian is here, yet bruce only wants to play single player games, not two-player so he can play with his friend. What does that say to you? It tells me that he doesn't like Brian and is only using him for the things that Brian buys him. Because Brian is a good friend, unlike bruce, who has only done one thing for Brian, where as Brian has done countless things for him. I'm not kidding. Everytime Brian is over he buys everyone food, well not me, but that is because I refuse his answer. Why? So he can have more money for future reasons.
ugh.
James plans on moving to Japan in the future. And to be honest I don't blame him. I'd get as far away from this family if I could. But I have things here that I don't want to let go. To be honest when I do move I'm most liley going to move a town over or out of state. Not to another country.
i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. i'm not in a good mood. i'm...i'm just not. i haven't been for a few days. playing CoD Zombies right now is the only thing that brings me away from this world. from the pain that i see everyday. i'm tired of this home. i just want ot leave it behind for more than a few hours. i want to leave it for at least a day. for at least 24 hours. not 6 at most. i'm tired of the same thing. i just want to run away from this place. i don't care where i go. as long as it is far away from this place. far away from this family...part of me says that...part of me says to die...i...damnit! i'm tired of running through this cycle! It stays the same with no a single change! I just want something new to happen to break this damned thing! To pull me away from this damned life!
...
I've been having this though recently. And I've been wishing it to come true ever since I first thought of it. Well, two thoughts. One though is where I go to sleep and wake up in a video game. Though it's always Doom 2016. And after I beat that game I play a new one. But like I am the main character that I would normally play as. And I always see myself having fun. the most fun i could. Then it gets weird and all that.
The second though it that while all six of us, including me, are in a car crash and I'm the only one that lives, but the bottom half of my body is paralized, and my right arm is broken, well, more like shattered. The bone takes a forever to heal. Anyway. So then I'm adopted by this nice lady that I've been calling Evelyn, I don't know why. Anyway, so she adopts me and she just so happens to live next to Jannessa. Then only reason why that part of the thought exists is really to give me someone that I can talk to. Quietly, but at least I would talk.
Every single day I wish that one of these thoughts will come true tomorrow. Though I know they will never happen. They are nothing but wishes. And I call wishes thoughts that can't become reality.
i'm crying now...
