"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 382 - "Effort..."

Chapter 382 - "Effort..."

Clara's PoV

'Peek a boo' I laughed, as I pulled her hands away from her covered face and she giggled a proper little giggle.

It was the cutest thing I had ever heard.

'Perk a boo' I smirked again as her brown eyes locked straight onto mine. She doesn't seem to like me with glasses on - it's like she gets confused about who I am when I'm wearing glasses.

Up until three months apparently babies rely on smell a lot and so she must know it's still me by smell and trying to work the whole thing out.

Richards glasses scare her the most because he never ever wears them and when he did once she cried for ages.

'Clara? Could I have a word?' Georgia asked in the doorway. I knew she was there. I could hear her lingering in the hallway as soon as Dad had left for work half an hour ago.

'You can have two' I said snidely. 'But I won't say them in front of Autumn' I scoffed.

'Please?'

'Fine' I said shifting up on the sofa making the effort that my Dad had begged me to make and hear her out.

I really wasn't all that interested but I decided to listen while I felt Autumns tiny hands gripping to my thumbs.

'That's a clever girl' I grinned, and then grimaced at myself for picking up the awful mother tongue that I vowed never to use but when you look at such a cute face - you can't help but have such a stupid voice.

'Listen Clara. I know you hate me and understandably so - I just hope that over time you'll understand a little more about me and maybe we'll be able to get on?'

'Yeah. Maybe' I grumbled, as the dummy fell on the floor but Georgie picked it up and handed it too me, after wiping it with a tissue.

'Do you want kids?' I asked outright. This may or may not be a reason for hating on her. She's in her youth - so I knew that it was possible.

I'd hate the idea of introducing Autumn to her Aunt or Uncle who is 5 or 10 years younger than her.

It would just be awkward.

'I can't say I've really thought about it. Probably not. But I don't know'

'He's 50. He can't have any more kids. I don't even know if it's possible. They couldn't even have a second baby. I don't know if that was Mum or Dad who was the problem... I just know it wasn't possible'

'If that's what's putting you off me - it shouldn't. I love your Dad Clara and it might be hard to understand the concept of real love but--'

'I'm 20. I've been in love. I am in love. And unfortunately it's not just with one guy - but don't patronise me or talk down to me just because I'm a child. I'm a fully grown adult with a child of my own. I'm not stupid' I scoffed. 'I've known and know what love feels like' I mumbled, running my thumb along Autumns cheek, and watched her eyes droop, where she was positioned in between my legs on the sofa.

'She's an adorable little thing'

'Yeah she is' I smiled, proud to be her mother in this moment. 'I can't say I like you at the moment - I come home and suddenly your living here and married - but I will try. On the condition that I'm the first person to know if I'm going to have a sibling'

'That's a promise I'm willing to make' she smiled, as I sighed.

'Want a hold?'

'I've been dying too, yeah' she chuckled, as I handed her over.

- - -

'You made an effort yeah?' John asked as I rested my head in his chest in the cinema that evening.

'I made an effort' I promised. 'Would you? If it was Jane? Sounds stupid because I've never heard you mention an uncle... But would you?'

'No it's not very likely'

'But would you make an effort?'

'Yes. Because Jane took me on when no one else would. She had no husband and 4 kids of her own yet she still took me in when I was ill and a problem and looked after me for years. Was it a good idea to leave Autumn with her?'

'Dads there too. He knows how to look after a baby. But she will never be my Step Mum. She can have him for all I care but she will never be called Mum out of my mouth' I scoffed, standing up now riled up about all this and sill talking about it.

'What is it that scares you so much about your Dad moving on? It's been 5 years Clara' he mumbled.

'You clearly don't understand' I muttered walking away from him and back to my house.

'Where are you going? He called out after me.

'Home. Where do you think?'

'Why are you getting so annoyed about all this? I'm just giving my opinion. What is it that scares you so much about all this? What is it that scares you so much about your Dad being happy for the first time in 5 years?'

'Kids. That's what frightens me. Kids' I said in a pout and looked at him awkwardly. 'Kids' I whispered.

'Huh? You've got a child. What difference does that make?'

'Siblings John. I'm 20. I don't want a sibling. It sounds selfish and I know I'm an adult but I don't want a younger brother or sister when I've had a child. It's just awkward. What happens if they have a child and he dies at 60? Then what? I end up taking him/her in. It's just awkward' I snapped.

'Don't be silly. If they decide they want to have a child then that's their decision. It's not something you can change okay. Don't overthink it' he said pulling me in for a bear hug, and kissing my head.

'Why can't anything just be simple' I pouted.

'Come on. Let's go and see Autumn'