"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 208 - "Answers..."

Chapter 208 - "Answers..."

Clara's PoV

'Come on Clara you've got to give the poor dude some answers' Richard said, the following Friday night. 'I know it's hard but it's been 5 weeks'

'Please Richard I can't. I can't tell anyone. Do you know how much it broke me to tell you? I was at a point of weakness. I can't do it. I wouldn't even know where to start telling him' I said looking at my feet.

'But he's so confused. He thinks your going to break up with him'

'I'm going to do no such thing. I love that guy' I smiled thinking about just how much I do love him and how awful, and guilty I actually feel.

'And you don't think he doesn't love you? He agreed no sex. No kissing and he even slept on the floor when you wanted to cry yourself to sleep last weekend. If that's not love then I don't know what is' Richard huffed.

'He knew I cried myself to sleep?' I asked.

'He was heart broken that he couldn't climb on the bed and just hold you. Let him hold you Clara. It should be him that holds you when your sad not me'

'He's too emotionally invested to understand. Please just respect that' I begged. 'I feel disgusting, and guilty. It's all my fault' I cried.

'None of this is your fault Clara' Richard soothed as the door to my room - which I'm sure I locked - opened.

'Clara is there something going on between you two? Did you sleep with Richard again?'

'What?' We both snapped at the same time. 'Dude why would you even think that' Richard asked in astonishment at such an accusation.

'Why would you jump to that conclusion?' I panicked.

'Would it be too shocking? You've got a past together'

'We didn't sleep together' I said making that abundantly clear.

'Then what is your problem Clara? I can't take this silence. If it's something I did. If it's something you did... Someone you did?' He said with a raised eyebrow and glaring at Richard. 'Just admit it instead of lying about it'

'I don't want too. But I didn't sleep with anyone' I said wincing at the thought of awful memories coming back to me.

'Dude. Stop. Your upsetting her. I promise as a bro honour and shit that she didn't sleep with me or anyone else' Richard defended.

John looked just about ready to snap Richard around the face at the thought of me being with him again.

'I was suspicious when I walked into the two of you snuggling on the bed last week. But didn't think anything of it. At least have the decency to tell me. Instead of sneaking around'

'Were not sneaking around' I yelled tears starting to fall again. 'I can't do this' I said trying to look for escape routes in the room but failing to find any but the front door.

'Don't you dare Clara Oswald' John said grabbing my wrist, and pulling me back towards him. It bought back awful, and strong flashbacks, of Felix grabbing my wrists and pulling me towards him when I tried to get away.

'Please let go' I cried trying to fight against his grip.

'John let go' Richard said suddenly in a panic.

My face must have looked like thunder because it was all coming back. John was just angry he wasn't going to do what Felix had done. But for some reason my brain wasn't responding to that at all.

He looked at me then at Richard and let go, as I dropped to the floor of my room and scurried back against the door trying so hard to control my breathing.

John took a step forward which panicked me even more. 'Please don't hurt me. Please anything but this. I'll give you what ever you want just not this' I said as the confusion on John's face got worse.

I was crying and didn't know what to do to calm myself down. 'John stop' Richard snapped as he tried to take a step closer. 'Don't go any closer'

'What the hell is going on? Clara it's just me' John assured but right now my brain wasn't understanding that and just wanted to escape the room and everyone in it.

But instead Richard crouched down in front of me. 'Come on Clara, calm down' he encouraged.

'Richard?'

'Shut up' he snapped at John, as Richard looked at me. 'Come on. You did it last time. You can do it again, just breathe and calm down. No one in here is going to hurt you. No one here is going to do that to you' he assured.

Slowly my breathing began to go back to a normal rate. It was a slow process but it did happen, and eventually when Richard extended his hand for me to take I did indeed take it.

'What on earth?'

'Shut up John' Richard snapped as he pulled me into a tight hug, and I let the sobs overtake me. My hole body was just not co operating right now - wanting to just cry and cry.

'I'm so confused. What is going on here? Why are you letting him comfort you and not me--'

'John be quiet for the love of God be quiet. She's not having a good time of it right now'

'Well if someone just told me what the problem was I'd be able to help' John said not liking where this was going.

'You can't help with everything John'

'Just tell me' he demanded making Richard break.

'For gods sake John she was raped' Richard yelled and regretted saying that almost instantly.

'What?'

I leant away from Richards chest and sniffed. 'Go away. The pair of you. I want to be alone'

'No. That's not the best--'

'Out' I yelled as they both went towards the door and I slammed it shut.

Both Richard and John sat silently outside the door, leaning on the wall opposite Clara's room.

It had been an awkward 20 minutes between the two.

They had listened to Clara go crazy in her room and noted that things in there had only just gone silent. John could only imagine how much damage she had done in there and how much would need tidying up.

He had been thinking intently about what Richard had said and was trying to work it out.

Surely he isn't have been joking. Several times in the last 20 minutes he considered asking about it - enquiring - but he couldn't bring himself to find out.

'Was -- was what you said? I mean was she--?' John cut himself up a little and just looked away from the door.

'Yes, she was raped'