"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 236 - "Realistic..."

Chapter 236 - "Realistic..."

Clara's PoV

'Calm down Clara. Just calm down' Richard begged. I knew that he knew, if I kept this up, I'll be having a meltdown in no time at all, but maybe a meltdown was what I needed right now.

Maybe I needed to have a good scream about things and it might help me to make me feel a bit better.

So that's exactly what I did.

Thankfully Richard had locked the door so there was no way I was getting out to John because I had discovered that given half a chance I could, would and wanted to punch the life out of him without even trying.

I know it wasn't a pretty sight to see me freaking out. Punching pretty much everything that I could get my hands on.

Throwing books and things around, but Richard had managed to salvage the important things away from me like my laptop and phone, taking anything away that could be considered a weapon and just sat the meltdown out from the corner of my room, until my anger just turned into more sobs and a hell of a lot more crying.

It wasn't the first meltdown of mine he has seen and I had seen him meltdown before, so I guess it was a choice of trust.

I'm sure in the next 7 months it won't be the last meltdown I have either.

- - -

'Are you quite done?' Richard asked as I laid on my bed. I had my head in his lap as my breathing and my anger calmed and faded away, leaving just a lot of sorrow in the air.

I could feel him playing with my hair from his lap which reminded me of how John can be when he wants too. When he's not storming into my room trying to get his own way he could be very comforting.

It was times like this that I'm glad I have Richard.

'I think so' I sniffed, but didn't move. I just wanted to stay in my warm curled up position and think, of course the mess on the floor wasn't helping me calm down.

It's the OCD.

It was making me feel sick.

'Take your time. I haven't got anywhere to be' he chuckled, continuing to run slow strokes through my hair in an attempt to calm me down a bit, and actually it was working.

Everyone knew when my melt down was over and that was the best time to really try and get me to see sense, so it didn't surprise me that John hadn't wandered too far.

I froze as I was fiddling with the hem of Richards jeans and looked at John who was holding his hands up. 'I swear I come in peace' he said stepping in the room, trying to make a light joke out if situation but I pretty much hate him right now.

'Whatever' I mumbled, focusing on playing with the string on the hem of Richards jeans just so I didn't end up punching John's nuts off, and it was a good distraction.

He crouched down In front of me and chuckled, as he looked around. 'You always know how to have an impressive meltdown'

'Just wish you had been in the room. Then I could have thrown everything at you instead of the wall' I spat.

'I probably would have deserved it'

'That's an understatement' Richard scoffed.

'Look we have to be realistic here Clara. We both know there's a probability that, that child could be mine. Slim, but a probability. So we just need to think about this realistically. Your going to need me. In 9 months time your going to need my help'

'Why? I can have a baby on my own. I don't need your help thank you very much. Anyway, once I hand it over why would I need you?'

'You just will' he muttered.

'I've got Richard' I grumbled trying to get rid of him. It was a poor move to use emotional blackmail to get rid of him but I'd run out of options.

'I can see that lover boy is pretty invested in all this but he isn't me' John snapped.

'Would you stop calling me that. It's not my fault that I can look after her better than you can'

'I don't need looking after. By either of you. I can look after myself' I said sitting up. 'Come to the scan. I couldn't give a Fuck anymore and whatever I do or say you'll just do the opposite anyway. But we are not together. You and I will not be happening for a very long time'

'But you don't dispute it will happen?' He said with shock in his voice and a tiny smirk at the corner of his lips.

'Go away John, you got what you want, you talked some sense into me. Now get out' I said laying back down in my comfortable position, my head back in Richards lap, and he leant over to grab a blanket covering me up gently.

He stood up but gave Richard a serious glare. 'Are we all okay though?' He asked as he approached the door.

'I don't think we will ever be okay again' I mumbled curling closer to Richard. It was more of a comfort thing I think.

- - -

'Clara. I'm so sorry but I really need to pee' Richard whispered just as I had dozed off.

'Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. I'm up' I said in a dead sort of way, sitting up and seeing myself in the mirror opposite. 'God I look like death' I winced.

'Hey? We can't all look perfect' he said tapping my shoulder and dispersed to the bathroom.

I looked around at the state of my room and groaned internally at cleaning it all up.

'I don't even know where to start' I said analysing it all.

'Don't worry. We'll sort it'

'Your not exactly a very good tidier' I smirked, as he picked up books and dumped them on the shelf. 'I have seen your room'

I walked over and rearranged the books he had just dumped on the shelf and arranged them into alphabetical order.

We cleaned for a little while but I was so exhausted I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was embarrassing really. 'Clara go to sleep. Your knackered'

'I-- I don't think I'll sleep much if I tried' I mumbled, as he kicked his shoes off and sat back on the bed against the wall.

'Come on' he motioned patting his lap.

'What?'

'Well you was nearly asleep, so turn the light out and come back to how you was'

'It won't be comfortable for you sleeping sitting up'

'I'll be fine. I'll move you when you become a nuisance' he smirked, but he looked so warm and comforting right now that I couldn't help but place a pillow in his lap and rest my head on said pillow, and closing my eyes.

'Just shift me when you want to sleep' I instructed.

Richard fiddled and played with Clara's hair as she dozed off into a deep sleep and Richard was just thankful she was sleeping soundly.

He watched as Clara breathed silently in and out, inhaling the lemon and strawberry scent of her shampoo coming off her hair as he twisted a perfect brown strand on his finger, chuckling at a statement she made.

'You'll never become a nuisance' he laughed closing his eyes, enjoying way to much how close Clara was to him.