"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 319 - "Set Backs and Big Changes Part I..."

Chapter 319 - "Set Backs and Big Changes Part I..."

Clara's PoV

It was 3.42am when John got the call.

3.30am when I got the call.

'I knew... I just knew that going home was a stupid idea. Why did I leave?' John said panicking as he walked onto the ward.

'John. You can't go in. She's being assessed'

'Why? Why does she need to be accessed. She was fine. She was out of the incubator'

'She's had a set back. Babies have set backs all the time. And we have to acknowledge the fact that she was born at 35 weeks. She was practically 5 weeks early' the nurse said trying to calm John down and his pacing.

'Calm down. You expect me to calm down? I've waited 8 months for this. We've waited 8 months for this. I've waited and fought and I've got her but still I don't get her'

'John it could be anything. She was deprived oxygen for a while. She's fighting strong. She's not given up yet' she assured.

'Yeah. But I know someone who has' John snapped, taking a step out of the ward. 'Call me if there's any change'

'Where are you going John?' Jane shouted.

'To get that baby's Mother' John snapped.

'It's 5 o clock in the morning' Jane tried.

'I said call me if there's any changes' John snapped.

- - -

'Oh come on. It's 5.30 in the morning' I whined when John continued banging on the front door.

'Are you serious? The hospital called you. I know they did. Your Daughter... The baby that was born all of 5 days ago is fighting for her life and you can't even bring yourself to get out of bed for her. I mean seriously? Can't breathe on her own and your getting your beauty sleep'

'John'

'Clara if you don't get to the hospital right now - I mean it you can cut all contact from me. From anyone. I will never forgive you and I swear on that' he snapped.

'You can't do that and you know it. Until social services grant you that right she's mine.' I growled suddenly getting territorial. 'In her mother'

'Then be one' he said through gritted teeth.

I didn't have to ask again - I knew by the look and anger on his face that he was 100% serious. 'Just leave me alone John' I whined slamming the door.

I looked across the hall from where the front door is and stared at the photo. It's funny because Autumn is actually the spitting image of me as a baby.

Mum never ran away from me as a baby.

She wouldn't. She was too much of a nice person and was so desperate for a child. So when I was born a month early she was determined to be by my side the entire time.

I never had any complications and was discharged after less than a week.

I was at home living and breathing well over 3 weeks before my due date.

What if my Mum had walked away from me? When I was like that? I probably wouldn't be here.

I rooted through the box under my bed and found what I was looking for, then called Richard.

'Clara. I'm sort of busy right now. Someone has to worry about him' Richard snapped.

'I need you to drive me to the hospital. Because I can't drive myself' I begged on the phone.

- - -

I climbed out the bedroom window and down onto the grass.

'Should you be climbing down trees when you gave birth not 5 days ago?'

'Probably not. But anyway, we need to go to the hospital' I said and he agreed, taking hold of my hand and walking me to the car.

'Your finally taking an interest?'

'No. I'm only going for John. I still  haven't changed my mind but John said if I don't go he'll stop talking to me and he looked angered so he probably meant it' I shrugged.

'Yeah he probably does mean it - he's in such a mess' Richard said as we walked the corridor and up to the baby unit.

It was early morning and there was really no nurses that I recognised. This must make me a terrible Mother in some ways I guess.

We watched John walk out the unit as Richard grabbed the doors. I didn't really want to have a run in with John quite yet this morning, so we slipped in and Richard led me to the one with Autumn in which still said "Autumn Oswald"

She looked much different to yesterday. When I held her. She was so much more fragile and her eyes were closed. 'Why does she look different?' I whispered to Richard.

'She's just underdeveloped and just needing that little bit of extra help. Nothing to worry about really'

'This is my fault. She shouldn't have to suffer like this. I knew there was a chance this could happen. I promised everyone I was only having this baby if I could bring it to term - to save all the heartbreak and I couldn't. I couldn't even do that' I whined.

'Clara you did all you could for her while she was in you. I'll admit since being out of you - you haven't really done that great a job, but at this point she's doing okay' Richard said, and gave me a hug.

I looked at her again, and how pale her skin was. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid for her. Lots of needles and tubes. It's not really fair on her.

'Who are you? And why exactly are you wandering around the high dependency unit for babies?' A nurse asked.

'Just looking at Autumn' I said in an honest whisper and sigh.

'I'm calling security' she said turning away and I guess she did have the right too. We had snuck in. Neither of us had bands on proving that we were aloud in... Even if I am her Mum.

'I'm her Mum' I pointed out, really straining on the work Mum, as two security men walked in. I can't believe she actually called them.

'What on earth? What's happening?' Jane said as we were pushed out of the unit with two security men.

'Nothing miss. Just getting rid of these two' he said in a gruff voice. Richard was trying to fight them but I didn't even want to try.

'There with me. She's Autumns Mum' Jane sighed talking hold of my wrist and pushing me towards the reception. It was a bit harsh and a bit rough but I didn't care.

'Jane what are you doing? Be angry at her but you don't need to like manhandle Clara like that' John said coming to my defence as we stood at the reception desk.

'Can we have two more bands printed for these two please. As Mother to see Autumn Oswald on the high dependency unit' Jane sighed. I was just confused.

'Are you going to tell me what's happening?' John asked as Jane attached a band to my wrist that I had a feeling wasn't coming off for a while.

'They went into see Autumn, but of course neither had wrist bands did they? So security threw them out' Jane huffed.

Embarrassing when I think about it really. I just got thrown out from seeing my own Daughter because I hadn't been there.

'Wait how did you even get in?' John sighed. 'Not that I'm against it - the fact that your here is all that matters but how did you get in?'

'Richard grabbed the door when you came out. We snuck in. I just didn't want to have an argument with you this morning' I whispered.

'Here's another one for you deer' the receptionist said.

'Huh?'

'Your her Mother correct. You get two. It just means if there's a problem you get to stay being overruled by everyone else'

'Give it to him.'

'I've already got one Clara' he sighed.