"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 220 - "Porter Loo's..."

Chapter 220 - "Porter Loo's..."

Clara's PoV

I was thinking up ways of lying in my heD but realised if I keep the baby and in in two months time I tell her I lied she'll be so hurt.

So I sighed.

'Okay, yes. I'm pregnant. And before you say anymore I'd rather not talk about it. This is supposed to be a relaxing time away not having to think about it or future shit'

'So you are?'

'I am'

'Does John know?'

'Definitely not - and I'd quite like to keep it that way. He doesn't need to know. Not yet anyway' I mumbled.

'But it's his kid right?'

'I don't know' I replied honestly. There's no point beating around the bush. I don't know if it is his kid. And probably won't know for sure until the poor kids born.

'Are you keeping it?'

'I have to lil. Even if it's not John's kid. I know it's stupid and sounds pathetic - but I just can't see it being my attackers. Why would someone who goes round abusing girls or woman, and not think about consequences like this? This isn't my fault. Yes I came off the pill - but I just can't see it being anyone's but John's'

'And you'll keep it when it's born?'

'Honestly I don't know yet Lil. That's 7 months in the future that I don't want to think about. If I make it to past 12 weeks then I'll think about it but if it's not John's? How can I raise a kid that isn't his? Or expect him to help?'

She looked at me and thought about that reasoning. She knew I was right.

'Does anyone else know?'

'Richard knows. He's coming to the scan with me. 1st of March. He was there at The Doctors when I realised and needed someone's help. I'd already taken a test'

'So it's just the three of us that know?'

'Yes and I'd quite like to keep it that way. Now go and get drunk so that I can read my book in peace' I instructed.

'Are you going to be okay?'

'I've gone this long without needing any help. Or anyone to talk too. I'll be fine. Might even turn my phone on and play candy crush or something. But don't not have fun just cause I'm not'

'No. Get some rest. Tomorrow night is main stage and your totally coming to that' she grinned, climbing out.

- - -

I fell asleep at what must have been after midnight, but they trudged back to the tent one at a time over the following few hours waking me up every single time.

But Lilly woke me up at 5.30 with a face like thunder, and holding her mouth.

'Oh god do not puke in this tent' I scolded in a harsh whisper, grabbing a fleece and pushed her out. 'For gods sake there's about 80 different trees and you wake me up?' I scolded.

'Sorry' she mumbled bolting out the tent. 'I need a loo' she gagged as she hurtled over a tree about 5 meters from the tent.

I zipped up my fleece and pulled the hood over my head, arms folded, absolutely no sympathy for her. 'Good god Lil. What did you drink?' I asked pinching my nose and struggling to keep my vision straight.

'About a bottle and a half of vodka, and about 7 shots. I couldn't help it' she whined. I pulled some tissue out of my pocket and she wiped her mouth slowly, panting and trying to calm down.

'Did you really need me to come and vomit with you?' I questioned.

'I was just helping you practise. You've got a long 9 months of up chucking yet to come' she said as a joke but swallowed hard to stop the next vomit fest. 'Anyway I need the toilet'

'And you need me for that because?' I asked with a raised eyebrow but it's 5.30 in the morning in February I'm practically squinting in the dark.

'Because I need the loooo' she confirmed, exaggerating on the "O's". Then I realised.

'Eew. Do not need to know the shoring schedule. If your that desperate you'll have too use the porter loo's. The main bathrooms are a good 15 minute walk from here'

'I ain't using no porter loo. But I can't exactly hold it for much longer either' she whined holding her head but practically bouncing up and down on the spot.

'It's either porter Loo's or take a shit in the bush'

'Porter loo it is' she said almost immediately and ran towards it. I followed near by and covered my face s she shut the door. 'Just stand there until I'm done'

'What in case someone else walks by? It's 6 o clock in the Fucking morning... I wouldn't use this porter loo if I was in a dire situation on my period' I grunted.

'It's really gross in here Clara' she whined.

'All the more reason to hurry the Fuck up' I yelled in feeling a drop of rain on my nose. 'It's starting to rain Lil. Come on'

The porter loo was gross. Blue on the outside with gras and stains on. Mud (at least I hope it's mud) and bugs. And the whole place stank.

There were three identical Loo's all next to each other and all smelt just as bad.

It was one of those things were it probably would have been more hygienic to take a dump in a bush than in those things because they are never cleaned, toilet paper is like sand paper and the water is probably disposable waste.

I cringed internally as the door opened and she jumped out running as far from the thing as possible. 'Jesus. It's like Glastonbury in that thing. It's like it hasn't been cleaned in months' she said dumping the gloves she wore in a puddle of mud.

'They were my favourite gloves' I mumbled.

'Do you really want them back now cause I don't'

I just had to consider the amount of germs that were on them and shook my head. 'They'll probably be better bent' I agreed.