"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 318 - "Cuddles..."

Chapter 318 - "Cuddles..."

Clara's PoV

'Umm. Are you okay? I mean an hour ago there was no way I was going to get you to budge on your decision. But suddenly your all for it?'

'I've been thinking' I said slowly.

'Yeah?'

'Maybe she doesn't live with you all the time. So perhaps when we go to uni... It just might help?'

'Oh not this again. I thought you'd changed your mind?'

'I have. I'm just making suggestions' I shrugged as he opened the double doors.

'Well hopefully after you hold her - she'll be all ours' he said in a mutter. 'In fact no. She's your Daughter and were doing this together'

'Clara. Didn't think I was ever going to see you down here again?' Alex grinned.

'No. I didn't think so either... But I'm here' I said pointing that out.

'Who's going first?' She asked methodically and I nervously pointed out it was me.

'Just wash your hands' she said pointing at the sink. On my way I passed her incubator.

She was awake. And her tiny eyes were open.

It was amazing how much she had grown in just four days. She was still as tiny as I remembered her, but she had stronger facial features. Was less yellow and squirming a little more.

'She looks like you' he said.

'I wish she looked like you' I muttered and I know we both felt the same, but what's done is done now.

She was wearing a very loose fitting baby grow, and there was a lot more tubes and wires connected to her than I originally remembered. Or than she had originally.

'Don't be nervous by the wires. Nothing's going to fall out. Just hold her close. Give her a good cuddle' Alex instructed.

I nodded listening to everything that needs to be done, and was handed a blanket to hold her in, then all of a sudden her tiny warm body was in my arms.

'Should she be this tiny?'

'She's has put on a pound in the last few days. For how early she was born she is a little behind - but now she's got the breathing down - she should be okay'

I could feel her start to move in my arms and got really nervous that she might pull a tube out or shift a wire but was assured they are all in place. 'Your doing just fine Clara. Don't over think it' John encouraged grabbing my phone and taking a picture.

'Let me text em. They must know'

'You just want to shove her in Ollie's face so that he'll stay away. I know what your game is John' I said with a raised eyebrow.

'Fine. I won't then. You do it' he said.

It was easy to hold her but I wasn't really giving her too much of a cuddle. John put me to shame by taking complete hold of her and she fell asleep in his arms.

'Why doesn't she cry?'

'Do you know babies at all Clara? She's done nothing but cry. You've just caught her at a good time. Probably because she's being fed right now'

'How long until she can leave?' I asked not too interested but interested enough.

'Not yet. Maybe another week or so. We have to get her feeding using a bottle'

'When can I leave?' I asked with hope.

'Today' she sighed looking at John. We both knew she couldn't keep me hanging around much longer and seeing as all my tests had come back clear - she had no choice.

- - -

'Clara. You leaving?' Cheryl asked as I shrugged on my leather jacket, and flicked my hair over my shoulder.

'Yeah. Got the all clear and discharge papers are signed. I'm just waiting for my prescription' I said wandering slowly over to where she was standing.

'Did you give her hug? Did you have cuddles?' She asked.

'I held her. And it was good. But she's got so many wires and tubes stuck to her that it was a nervous wreck. I guess it's something I'll get used too' I shrugged. 'I just wanted to give little Nathan this' I smiled.

'I can't accept that' she said nervously.

'It's just as a thanks for your persuasion. My Gran knitted it because she wanted to make a tiny wooly cardigan - but she didn't want to know the gender either - so she made two. One pink and one blue. She won't need blue so it's all yours'

'That's really nice of you' she said with a huge grin and put Nathan in it.

'What you said about life not being that tough - even when your dying?'

'Mm'

'Well I've been there. And your right, I nearly did die and if I had I wouldn't of brought her into the world. So that I am thankful for. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm not ready to be a Mother' I said stroking Nathan's cheek, picked up my rucksack gently and left the room.

- - -

'Go home. Go to bed. Get a comfortable nights sleep. I'll come and see you in the morning' he smiled.

'You need sleep too. The nurses are looking after her' I said with a raised eyebrow.

'I know. I'm going home tonight' he said with a yawn just thinking about sleep.

'Anyway. I'll need sleep. Alfie texted me our timetable and I've got a lectures as of October 1st. So I need to be in a good frame of mind for that'

'Lecture? Hold up, no way. Your supposed be on maternity leave. I don't care what you say you can't just jump back into things like that' he said pulling away.

'I can and am. I can't miss lectures John'

'Work from home if you go to uni your risking all sorts of problems. Infection. Depression? I'm sorry but I'm putting my foot down' he said.

'You can't tell me what I can and can't do John. How do you expect me to get a degree if I'm not there?'

'I'm not having the same argument again Clara. We'll do this tomorrow' he grumbled.

'Come when you like. You won't win' I snapped.