"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 224 - "Nervous Wreck..."

Chapter 224 - "Nervous Wreck..."

Clara's PoV

I sat and couldn't stop tapping my leg up and down. I was so fricken nervous.

'It will be okay' Lilly assured but I didn't need the positive words. I needed to get out of this mess. But couldn't see it.

There just wasn't one.

- - -

'Have you ever had an ultrasound before deer?' The nurse asked to which I nodded.

'Believe me... I have had an ultrasound or two' I said, explaining everything which is when she went to find my notes.

It took her 15 minutes to find them and when she returned into the room with a folder the size of two texts books - I couldn't help but laugh on the inside.

I had chosen a hospital near to the uni, for check ups, because this is where I intend to be pregnant, but had chosen to move to Ealing hospital when we break up for the summer. Seeing as that's where I'm most likely to give birth.

By my calculations I could be due any time from mid August to early October... If I was right.

There was a part of me that thinks deep down that maybe just maybe I was more than 9 weeks pregnant because then that would mean it was defiantly John's.

But I wanted an official date to look too.

Because no matter what the result was - I couldn't kill and innocent baby.

'Okay do you want to jump up then?' She asked after half an hour of sifting through my notes properly and explaining things to me.

I nodded but didn't move.

'I understand that your nervous, but the sooner you jump up sweetheart, the sooner we can get you out' she said sympathetically.

I did then as she said and jumped up on the bed.

I have had an ultrasound before. In fact I have had all sorts of tests before, so I know what it entails.

'When was your last period?' She asked quietly, unsure of how I would respond.

'December? But I can't be sure. I'm sorry but I have no idea of the date that I could have conceived... It could be two different ones 6-9 days apart...' I responded, to which she told me to lift my top up.

She assured me that she gets far worse in than me. Explaining that people come in all the time having a specific date in mind and turns out they are completely wrong.

I had begged for them both to come in but in the end she would only let one of them in. So I went with Lilly.

As much as Richards being a really supportive friend at the moment - I don't particularly want to sit and talk to a nurse about births, and wombs and periods with him in the room. I didn't even want to do that with Lilly in the room.

The nurse obviously had assumed that Richard was the father and so she was very confused when she shut the door but I explained everything and she had nodded sympathetically understanding the situation.

Even she had tried to give me a lecture on how I had to tell the two potential fathers.

She told me it would be cold, and I thought she was overreacting. It wasn't cold... It was bloody freezing. They say on TV that it will be cold but you never really believe it can possibly by until you have an ultrasound in real life.

I squeezed shut my eyes trying so hard to block everyone and everything out, but was glad to feel Lilly's hand on mine.

There was a little flutter of a sound coming from the screen.

'Well it has a healthy heartbeat. You can't hear it yet without the technology but I can on screen. I mean your age means that it will probably be a relatively smooth pregnancy, and that you shouldn't have many complications if any at all...' she said dragging off.

'If I was normal... Which I'm not' I muttered, knowing that was what she was going to say next.

'You've had a lot of chemo... You are on a lot of medications and you have had a miscarriage before. The safest thing for you and for the baby is too...'

'I'm keeping it'

'Clara--'

'I'm keeping it. End of story'

'But Clara' Lilly said and I smiled at her assuringly even though I didn't want to argue right now.

'I don't care what happens to me. Or who's baby it is... I'm having this baby' I said stubbornly.

'In that case... Would you like to see it?' She asked slightly worried. It was at that point that I know she went to get someone to talk to me, but no one was talking me out of this. I had made my decision.

Even if I do die at the end of it. I'm having this baby and I don't care who I have to tiptoe around.

I shook my head, because I don't want to get attached but Lilly seemed like she was interested and nodded so she turned the screen round to look at us.

'There it is. The tiny dot there. It's about an inch long' she informed us. 'Not much to see but it's healthy and developing as it should' she assured.

Lilly looked at me but I was trying so hard to ignore the screen and the baby that I hadn't even thought up or bought up the questions that I really needed too.

'Ahem. Umm, Whens it due?' Lilly asked and I looked at her thankfully as I was having a really hard time processing all this.

'Well. You said you can't determine when it was conceived. But it could have been on or anywhere around January 1st to January 10th, I know that's a large gap but that's the time frame I've got here'

'Not really' I muttered.

'Well due date wise again I can't be 100% sure but for piece of mind and a date to work towards I would say around September 28th to October 5th'

'How many weeks am I then?' realising I'm not as far as I thought. I asked swallowing some tears, my voice thick.

'At this point about 9 weeks.' she said to me. Oh my god I'm 9 weeks pregnant.

This is crazy.

It still doesn't rule out who the Father could be which led her to the next question.

She handed me some blue paper to wipe the gel away, and led me towards the desk.

'There are tests that can be done. They can be done before birth in several different ways - but the most reliable way to get a positive result is after birth. The only thing we can do for now is find out the blood type. We take blood samples and find out. Because we don't have the other guys blood type we can't determine if the baby has the fathers or not' she assured handing me the pictures of the scan.

'I don't want to think about that yet. Not until I explain everything to my boyfriend'

'You'll still have your 12 week scan in three weeks to rule things out - but for now just go on as you are. Eat week, drink enough and take your vitamins' she smiled.