"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 225 - "Language..."

Chapter 225 - "Language..."

Clara's PoV

'And your not telling him? Your going to wait?' Lilly asked.

'Yeah. Maybe I'll invite him to the 12 week scan. That's three weeks away. That gives me three weeks to tell him - but not today' I said taking the ultrasound from Richards hand and stuffing them back in my bag.

I needed to stuff them somewhere they can't be found.

'It's hard to imagine it might not even be John's. The poor thing looks so innocent. It's got no idea what kind of a life it's coming into'

'Are you trying to imply that my life is shit? Because news flash Richard your life ain't so Fucking perfect either'

'I didn't mean it like that. Just that it's hard to believe that a tiny dot like that could possibly be related in anyway to a rapist' he said backing up, as Lilly handed me a dress.

'Ugh. Why? I can't wear that Lil. It will make my boobs look ginormous' I moaned.

'Why?'

'Your boobs like double the size during pregnancy. I'm only 9 weeks and they are definitely bigger. My bras are telling me that' I said rolling my eyes as she sifted through my wardrobe.

'What about this one?' She asked as I put it over my head and looked at how tight it genuinely was around my chest.

It was quite amusing actually to see Richards eyes widen in horror.

I tried the next one on and it looked a little better but not much better. The problem wasn't even all my boobs being a little bigger - it was more that I like to wear tight dresses, and so now my boobs have gone up a cup size during the first few months of pregnancy all my dresses were really tight around the chest area.

'Fucking baby' I rambled.

'Clara have you ever noticed that your language is really quite appealing? Your swearing like every fifth word these days. You used to be so cute and innocent and now look. Swearing like you've got an illness' Lilly said as she handed me a much better dress.

It was the one I wore most of the time but it was looking slightly better than the rest. 'See. If you just don't wear a bra then you should be fine. Your boobs won't show or stick out as much. I can't promise John won't notice they're bigger but there's nothing that can be done' she shrugged.

'Could we cut the boob talk down just a little ladies?' He stuttered, rearranging his position on the bed.

'Men' I huffed. 'Your all the same'

After having successfully and finally choosing a dress - which ironically Lilly's new (and now muddy/ruined shoes) would have gone really well with this dress, but oh well - I stuffed it in the over night case and sat at my desk chair.

Lilly got out the curlers and she started twirling my hair into a decent hairstyle.

'Have you thought about if it's not John's? I hate to be the one to bring it up - but what happens--'

I cut her off because my mind was made up from the moment I found out. 'I'm not keeping it Lil. Even if it is Johns' I said making her go dead silent and look around at Richard.

Things stayed silent for a few moments until Lilly threatened to curl Richards hair if he didn't go and make a drink, but by the time he came back John had already climbed in my bedroom window.

'Oh god. Girly things. Hair and dresses and heels and shit' John muttered.

'Tell me about it dude. If you didn't turn up soon - I'd end up curling my hair and wearing eyeliner' Richard said sounding genuinely grateful.

'You are going to a wedding. You have to look your best' Lilly pointed out. 'What time is the wedding anyway?'

'2 o clock. But I've got to spend the morning with Daniel anyway... I am the best man' John gushed, picking up my suitcase, as I grabbed my bag and laptop.

- - -

The drive to where the wedding was, was a good three hour drive from the uni, but John insisted on driving the entire way.

This meant that I and nothing else to really focus on rather than all the thoughts swirling around my head - but even the music was doing my head in right now.

'Are you okay? Did you want to stop and have something to eat?'

'Actually I fell a bit car sick' I lied, trying to get comfortable.

'Do you want to stop?' He asked concernedly, slowing down a little and pulling off at the next services.

'I guess but there's not that much more of a drive is there? Might as well carry on. Then I want a hotel bath' I groaned.

'Okay, but no vomiting in my car, if you feel like puking open the window' he mumbled turning the music up for a load jam with the song.

Watching the way he was bopping his head along with the music and singing along terribly just made me fell all nervous and bubbly inside. How cute he was when he was dancing away not a care in the world - of course as long as his eyes are on the road I don't care what he does.

The hotel was pretty nice. But it would be when John's paying - because if it was up to him he would stay in the top and most classiest hotel - but I really just prefer the basics.

I grabbed my pyjamas and went towards the bathroom, while he went and ordered room service for dinner.

I turned around and looked at him. 'Do you think my language is appalling?'

'Why would I think that?'

'It's just Lilly says that Ive been swearing every like fifth word lately and she said she doesn't like it' I shrugged.

'I guess you spend more time with Lilly than I spend with you at the moment - so no I can't say I've noticed but if you like I'll stick a bar of soap down your throat... That'll soon teach ya' he winked.

'I'm good. My Dad did that once. My Mum was horrified. She spent hours trying to get he taste out of my mouth for me with all sorts of different flavoured ice creams. She Ignored Dad for days but it worked because I didn't swear again until after Mum died - even to this day I wouldn't swear in front of my Dad. I'm a legal adult and I'd still be scared that he put soap in my mouth'

'Eew. Can't say that Jane was ever like that - course I didn't live with her until I was ten' he said remembering and it was as I sat down in the bath that, that thought struck me.

He was adopted. Well he spent the first 10 years of his life in and out of foster care - in and out of different houses with different parents. Would he allow that for a child of his own?

Will he allow that for a child of mine? Even if it turns out it's not his child? Would he allow that to happen? Would he allow me to give the kid up and put it into care?'