"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 330 - "Unrealistic Plans..."

Chapter 330 - "Unrealistic Plans..."

Clara's PoV

'I'm a bit confused. Where is he? He hasn't answered any of my texts or phone calls. The last time this happened he was stuck down a Fucking ditch. Maybe I should go to his' I pondered.

'No. I'm sure he's fine. He'll text back in a bit. He's just working. Probably trying to get a little extra money in before uni starts'

'About that..."

'Oh we're not even going to go there Clara. No way. Not yet' John said making that damn clear. But I wasn't listening.

'I've been looking into it. There's actually a nursery not that far up the road from the university. It's literally a 10 minute walk. And they'll take her from 3 months old' I said with a smile on my face.

'Oh. That's not so bad. Three months time I guess will be just before Christmas. So I guess that's okayish' he said with a shrug.

'Yeah. I'll just have to hope that people's lectures don't clash and hope that Lilly or Richard or you or anyone really can take her up until she's old enough to go to nursery' I said lifting her gently from the basket and feeding her once again.

'Wait! What? No your not joining us on the 1st of October Clara. No way. National normality is that every woman takes at least 4 months maternity leave. I was being lenient when I agreed for December. And October would only be a month since she was born'

'I don't care John. I'm not trying to make an argument with you, but it's my life and I'll do as I want. Her being born early in someways for my degree was quite, a good thing. It means I can go back to uni sooner than I expected but I can start the year with everyone else. Then I won't be behind in starting working in schools or for my dissertation'

'This is a complete ridiculous idea. I just can't work out why you want to do this. Why would you want to go back any earlier than you have too' he said as if it was just stupid.

It probably is stupid but I can't wait to get back into normal life as if I wasn't huge.

- - -

I went to bed that night pretty pleased with myself but was waiting constantly for Richard to jump through the window and climb into bed with me.

I couldn't focus on sleep especially when I texted him again, and the only response that I got was a rather rude and distant text notifying me in one word that he was "sleeping", but he did respond with a smiley face... So I assumed it was okay.

But I didn't get a hole lot of sleep wondering if I had pushed him away accidentally or if he was just sick of being stuck around a baby all the time now.

Maybe her being here and born just wasn't what he was expecting.

'You awake?' John asked cracking open my bedroom door silently, probably just gagging to get hold of Autumn.

I refused to let him do the things that I should be doing.

I know it sounds completely selfish but seeing as she isn't actually his daughter... He can have access but these are all things I should be doing. If I was breast feeding then it would only be me that would be able to feed her. So I feel like that should be the same.

'Yeah. I'm awake. Have you heard from Richard? I mean I haven't heard from him other than sleeping. I thought he would have come round this morning? I miss him' I pouted.

'No. Haven't heard from him. Maybe he's just trying to keep a distance' he shrugged.

'I don't want him to keep a distance' I pouted. 'Unless I'm doing his head in' I shrugged. 'Which I probably am' I sighed standing up. 'Can you watch her while I have a shower and clean up a little?'

'Why don't you properly sleep? I'll watch her today'

'Aye you sure?'

'Yeah. I was thinking maybe taking her to see Jane for a bit? I know her and David want to see her?' He asked with a pouty face.

'Yeah okay. It'll give me a chance to sleep and shower. I shouldn't even need more sleep. But for some reason I'm ridiculously exhausted still' I said. Talking about sleeping was making me feel tired.

- - -

'You've not stollen her have you? Because something tells me that, that would be a terrible idea' David smirked.

'Is Jane in? I said I'd bring her round?' John asked looking in the lounge.

'No. She's gone for tea with some old  women. I don't really know... But Lola's waiting for you. She's in the kitchen' David said with a wink.

John slipped through and into the kitchen where he found Lola sitting and looked up all excited when she realised John had a car seat with him.

'This is her? This is Autumn?' Lola asked as John suddenly got very protective and territorial over her.

'Yeah, she's a real cutie right?' John smirked. 'But if Jane isn't here then I'll take her home. Clara's probably missing her desperately' John said reading the texts from Clara asking him to hurry up.

- - -

'That must have been one quick nap? I was only gone 25 minutes' he scoffed as he walked through the door.

'Actually 29 minutes and 33 seconds she wasn't here but who's counting?' I grinned picking her up out of the car seat realising that I was way more attached to her than I planned or even wanted to be.

She's the best thing that's happened to me by far now but maybe I need to get a little distance from her. All I want is for her to be in my arms.

When she's not there I miss her so much.

'It's okay Clara. Every first time parent gets these feelings. It's just all the hormones still swirling around. You want to do the best for her and you will' John assured.