"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 264 - "Baby Bear..."

Chapter 264 - "Baby Bear..."

Clara's PoV

'Lil. I think my decision was made from the off. I don't want to marry him and I as good as said that to him' I mumbled.

'I know. Your a smart girl. Your not the kind of person to just marry on a whim' she shrugged as if it was obvious. 'And I know you really like Richard. I can see it every time you look at him. And it's been going on for a while'

'Lil. I don't exactly feel all that comfortable talking about your ex boyfriend and me being together. I know I wouldn't want to talk about it, if it was you and John' I shrugged.

'I'm fine with it Clara. I haven't been with him for like 6 months. And he's definitely happy with you. We had that once but it's fine because love doesn't last forever' she said pulling me towards the end of the street, towards the best place I had seen all day.

'I believe it lasts forever' I pouted

'If that was true... Then you would probably still love John'

'I do still love John. Which is the most annoying thing in the world. He's the biggest ass ever at the moment and I still love him. But I'm not marrying him, and I'm with Richard now. I wont break a promise'

'Don't you think that you've got slightly higher things on your list of priorities than breaking promises?' Lilly scoffed.

'Why are we here?' I said as my eyes lit up at the possibility of all the books that were looking at me, but also very glad to be able to change the subject.

'Because I thought we could look for some books on birth and babies and pregnancy' she shrugged.

'Why? That's what the Internet is for'

'I know. I was lying. I'm doing a nice thing. Go. Browse. Get some Shakespeare or something. It might cheer you up'

'If Shakespeare wrote a book on what to do when your ex boyfriend that your still in love with cheats on you and then proposes 6 months later whilst you're secretly falling really hard for your best friend at the same time but pregnant with your exes or potentially your rapists baby... Then I might find some pleasure out of it. But otherwise I think a cheesy teenage fiction book might be the way forward for now'

'Wow. I don't think one therapy session would help you out with the situation your in' she huffed, as I dragged her around the book shop and she moaned about how long it was taking.

'Don't get all huffy with me James. I just stood around and watched you try on 6 pairs of jeans in the changing rooms. That all looked the same. Not only was it depressing but it was even more depressing because I couldn't buy a pair for myself. Instead I went to look at maternity bras and they still scare the living shit out of me'

'It's just a bra Clara'

'It's not just any bra though is it? It doesn't come in colours. Or pretty patterns. It's just boring colours like white, or tan? I don't even know what Richard sees in me. I can't even wear fun underwear anymore' I muttered in resentment of this stupid kid.

'In 5 months you'll be able to wear what you like. And any way... If you've been subjected to the spongebob boxers then I don't think it will matter what the bloody hell your wear'

'They are cute though'

'I don't mind talking about your relationship problems Clara but what the pair of you do in your own time is up to you. I don't need to know about your sex life'

'Says the girl who last week was revelling to tell me about how many times she o--'

'Shush. We're in public for gods sake. And I wouldn't want to subject poor little Richard juniors ears to that either' she scoffed.

'Fine. Let me choose my books and then we can go'

- - -

'How many books do you propose buying from that pile?' She asked in impatience rising as she stared at the pile of books were on the coffee shop table in the bookshop whilst I got my Frappuccino.

'All of them probably. Except the nursery rhyme book you put on the top. We've been through this'

'But it's so cute. Look... The baby bear says to the daddy bear that he loves him because he bought him a new bed, and the daddy bear reads the baby bear a bedtime story' Lilly said half in tears but it didn't even make me think about wanting to weep.

I guess that just kind of proves how much of a terrible mother I would be. 'Who's the hormonal one supposed to be here Lil. You or me?' I smirked.

'You. But I can't help how damn cute it is'

'Lilly, I can't. I don't want to keep Richard junior. I don't want to be a mum. I especially can't be a Mum to someone else's baby'

'I thought we were going with the fact that it's John's?'

'He's a clever guy. We both live in denial. But I'm pretty sure it's not his. It would have to be a damn miracle in my life for him to be the Dad. And that's saying something that I'm so desperate for him to be the Dad because a few hours ago Richard pointed out quite rightly that he's a scheming idiot'

'But at least he'd be around. You wouldn't want to have to let Felix in. He's not the Dad either way and you know that'

'But legally lil. He's going to have to go on that birth certificate and you know it. That's why I don't want to keep Richard Junior. I don't want to face the facts so I'm going to continue to live in denial. Can we go home now?' I begged.

She nodded googling the bus and train times before looking up at me. 'Still not reply from Richard?'

'No. It's stressing me out Lil' I moaned.