"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 311 - "Persuasion...?"

Chapter 311  - "Persuasion...?"  

Clara's PoV

It was 3 o clock before John came too see me again. But he had come down to see me before I went to sleep with a sad look on his face but I was already half asleep that he just kissed my forehead and disappeared out of the room, claiming that I needed the peace.

When I woke up, I had been changed into my own pyjamas again - that I assume someone had bought in for me.

In fact I could see a bag of my stuff placed in the corner of the room so someone had been to get me some stuff.

My hair had been cleaned up and I had an IV drip still in my hand.

'Hey sleepy head' I heard someone say. I sat up.

'Hey Lil' I said smiling.

She jumped on the bed and engulfed me into a hug.

'Careful. Just had a baby' I said and she grinned.

'You did so well' she said to me.

'Yeah. Well I'd like to just forget about it if I'm honest' I mumbled.

'Careful. Don't pull on the IV' she scolded. 'You were so dehydrated and had a lack of blood after birth. Apparently that was a side effect... Especially after all that chemo you had?'

'Yeah. My body is pretty fucked' I nodded. 'What's the time?' I asked straight away realising I might have slept for quite a while.

'3pm. You've slept for like 11 hours but you totally needed it' she said to me.

'Oh my god. Did I really have a baby at 3 in the morning?' I said.

'No. Just after half past 1am actually' she laughed. 'You were in labour for nearly like 24 hours Clara. If it's any consolation you've had more sleep than all of us' she said. 'John has barely left the baby's side all day'

'I wouldn't expect him too. He's become attached already' I said sighing, knowing that could be a good or bad thing. 'Where is he?'

'In the baby unit with her. She's on a  feeding tube for a couple of days. She's so cute in the incubator though'

'Wait. Incubator?' I asked remembering the nurse mentioning something like that but I could barely remember right now.

They were pumping something into this IV... Some sort of drugs, so I just assume it's that.

'She's fine. They do have to wait a few days through'

'Where's my Dad?' I asked suddenly remembering he was in America.

'He's trying to get an earlier flight back but its becoming difficult'

'It's fine. I'll see him when I see him' I smiled. 'When are social services coming back? I think I must have missed them?'

'3 days when the results come in. Then they'll discuss what you to do next. Should the baby not be John's I guess he'll have the choice if he wants rights and you'll have the choice'

'I don't know if I want to keep her Lil' I said crying now. It was the hormones and I knew that.

'But he's amazing with her Clara. He's looking after her so well. He's not left her side and has been holding her hand since she was born - with the exception of letting Richard have a quick go If you talk to her she might be okay. She needs to hear her Mums voice. In fact they're both amazing with her. They are completely in love with her'

'Don't call me that Lil. I'm just the one that gave birth to her'

'Doesn't despite the fact that she's your DNA. You can't hide that. One thing we do know is that she has your DNA' Lilly scolded.

'I want to be left alone Lil' I said laying back down and curling up again.

'Clara'

'Alone please' I whispered turning away from her basically running away from all my problems.

I heard her suppress a sigh and mumble: 'I tried' but she wasn't going to talk me round, I wouldn't let anyone because I know if they tried hard enough I would give in.

'I can't be a Mother' I said out loud. I laid back down and curled up in a ball then, indicating to everyone that I wanted to be alone. But I didn't actually realise how much of a lie that statement was.

- - -

Thankfully people left me alone for most of that day, and deep into the night.

The day of birth is one that your supposed to cherish I guess and I was wallowing in my own self pity.

I hadn't even taken a look at the poor girl yet which is just awful considering that I had bonded so much with her over the last 8 months.

I had her kick pattern down to an art and now I actually feel a bit flat and lonely.

I need John. I need Richard - but they're not on my side in this - and we are always on each other's sides. John and I work together even back when we were broken up.

Maybe it made me sound a little bit spoilt but I don't care.

The nurse checked on the drip and told me she wanted to keep me in another 24/48 hours because I was at high risk of developing an infection so I just sighed and shut my eyes.

'Knock knock' John said. 'Are you awake?' He whispered. It was 9 o clock at night again now and as far as I was aware he hadn't had any sleep in days. Especially after all the ruckus he had to deal with at the airport. 'Clara' I heard John say as he walked in the door.

He crouched down on the floor and I shut my eyes.

'Please take her away. I can't get attached' I begged.

'She's not here. I promise. Just look at me' he begged.

I opened my eyes and he wasn't lying, he didn't have her in his arms, so I looked at him, through tear pricked eyes. He was just the same. He was as sad about all this as it was.

'Come on Clara. Just admit that you had a baby today?'

'I admit. I had a baby today - but that's it. I had a baby' I whispered, and folded my arms but opened my eyes. 'How is she?' I asked genuinely wondering. If she was sick I wanted to know.

'She's doing well. Feeding well too' he said like a proud Father which killed me.

We hadn't discussed the results that were coming in two days. I didn't want too. Because I knew what it meant.

I sighed and shut my eyes again hoping that when they reopen I would be 15 again without any of this Drama.

I felt his breath on my face and breathed in the sweet scent of him. It had been two days since he had been home - yet he still smelt as sweet as he would have if he had.

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and I raised my eyebrows in confusion to the whole thing.