"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 216 - "Just about Coping..."

Chapter 216 - "Just about Coping..."

Clara's PoV

'What are you doing tonight Clara?' Lilly asked as she tapped on the door.

'Mm. Well I've got some final essays due before half term which is in a week. Are you going home or are you staying here?' I asked

'Probably going to stay here. What about you?'

'I'm going home tomorrow for a few days. See my Dad and Gran, then I'll come back for the rest of the week. We should do something fun though'

'Yeah. Look. Rose has tickets to a festival during half term. It's about an hour away and we can camp for the night? If your coping I was wondering if you want to come?'

'What do you mean if I'm coping? I'm fine' I snapped.

'I know. It's just John's a bit worried that your not coping - and he keeps getting stressed about you spending time with Richard. I guess he thinks your going to sleep with him again'

'That's not happening Lil. And anyway, whys he told you and not me?' I mumbled.

'Because after you've finished that essay - to be fair you was going to go to Richards' she shrugged.

'Whatever. I'll do as I please' I grunted shutting the door on her face.

- - -

'What right has she to tell me what to do? I mean seriously? She's not in charge of me and he certainly isn't' I said as I paced Richards room. 'What do you think of the essay?' I asked as he proof read the essay I had given him but was looking a bit pre occupied. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong. Who did you say Lilly was going out with tonight?'

'Just some guy she met on another course. He's a bit weird actually. I met him last week. I wouldn't want to go out with him. And that's not me being a snob'

'It really is' he chuckled. 'Well if you think he's weird then I've nothing to worry about' he shrugged going back to spell check. 'This essay is pretty good Oswald. You've got nothing to worry about' he nodded. 'What times the Doctors tomorrow as well? I don't want you going on your own and seeing as grumpy face is busy...' He drifted off.

'He's not grumpy. He's just frustrated - with me mainly. I guess he's just annoyed that I'm keeping him at arms length' and that's probably every single meaning of the word.

- - -

'So your getting a repeat prescription?' Richard asked, as we sat outside the Doctors office.

It was a bit annoying that I had to go and get a repeat prescription from my counsellor every 7 days but that was kind of the deal. And to keep visiting her so that she knows I'm coping.

I put on a brave front but I am only just about coping.

'Yeah. The tablets. There's only enough for 7 days. It means I'll have to go pick them up every week here. Bit annoying to have to come all this way every week... But such is life I suppose' I shrugged. 'I also need to ask about these side affects'

'Why have you had some?'

'Not really. I mean I don't really know. I just want to double check. Plus I'm in the middle of a bloody cold. Don't get too close I'll give it too you' I said.

It wasn't a lie to say that I had come down with a cold and knew from the sound of my chest I had a chest infection - I just wanted to get some antibiotics for that and move on. I get them all the time.

'Hey there Clara. How are you doing' Ashley said as I was called into her office.

She sat looking at the screen and looked over at me.

'I've been looking at your notes. You never mentioned having cancer a few years ago'

'Why would I? It doesn't have anything to do with me today does it? It's got nothing to do with why I've gone crazy' I said.

'Your not crazy Clara. Your just struggling. You've been through something that was really hard. How you feeling?'

'Much better. Tablets are helping, except I think there giving me some side effects'

'Okay. That's odd. Never known there to be side effects'

'Says it on the box' I sighed wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

'Your not allergic to anything in them. I can't really explain that' she said. 'How's your relationship? How's your socialising?'

'Probably not as good as it should or could be. I mean I still push John away just because I don't know how to cope with it' I admitted. 'I don't know how to answer his questions without feeling like crap'

'Sounds like stress. It's pretty normal in this type of situation' she nodded. 'Let me just have a listen to your chest' she muttered conforming indeed another chest infection.

I used to get them all the time, so it was annoying but no surprise that I had one now.

'That's your suggestion?'

'My suggestion is try not working so hard. Take a break - maybe try some exercise... I find that helps with most people and stress' she said being really unhelpful this time.

I just wanted some advice on why I'm practically dead on my feet after getting pretty much 8 hours of sleep every night for a week and why I fell so ache all over. Tablets shouldn't make me feel this way.

If anything they should make me feel the complete opposite.

'How exactly do I avoid stressful situations when I'm in university just with deadlines? And the-- I'm not exactly able to avoid them'

'Get lots of sleep and try to stay away from caffeinated drinks. It never helps as much as you think' she said admiring her computer as I took my prescription and walked out.

'What's up? Did she say your not okay or something?'

'No she said everything was normal... Which is why I need your help'