"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 340 - "Comfort Sex..."

Chapter 340 - "Comfort Sex..."

Clara's PoV

'Go back to bed Clara' Richard scoffed from beside me but I was a wreck. I was an actual wreck.

'I can't. I'm sorry I just can't sleep' I said having woken up in a sweat, and sat up in the bed staring into the darkness which was blurry anyway seeing as I wasn't wearing any contacts.

I threw the bedcovers off and went into the common room, having thrown a jumper on and and some socks, found my glasses and checked that Autumn was okay, so I took the baby monitor out with me and put the kettle on as I gripped to the counter.

I was sweating buckets about what tomorrow was going to bring. I say tomorrow but seeing as it's half past three in the morning... Not that many hours.

I have to be at court at half past 12 and chances are that I'm going to be there all afternoon.

I zoned back to earth when the kettle boiled and water spilt all over the side where it was too full and I scolded myself as I touched the scorching hot water.

'Ow. Ow. Ow. Fuck me that hurt' I yelled loudly, running to the sink and placing my hand under the cold water to stop it from taking any skin. 'Fuck that hurt' I snapped at myself again, as Richard trudged into the lounge in a grump, and stared with a raised eyebrow.

'What are you doing?'

'Making a cup of tea, and it spilt it all over the side. Fucking gone and burnt my finger' I snapped at him but it wasn't his fault as he threw a couple of tea towels over the scorching water on the side and poured two cups of tea, placing them on the coffee table.

I pulled my hand out from under the water drying it off and collapsed on the sofa in a heap, pulling my legs tightly to my chest.

'What's wrong?' He sighed as he sat down next to me And started playing with my hair.

'Where's Autumn? She shouldn't be alone' I said as he pulled me back down onto the sofa and played with my hair again.

'She's fine. She's sound asleep and not due a bottle until 5, stop avoiding the question and tell me what's wrong' he instructed, as some tears pricked my eyes.

I really didn't want to act like such a child about all this.

'I'm so conflicted. That's all'

'What's to be conflicted about? You go in there, tell them he raped you, touched you without consent and that he should go down for it. You wouldn't be lying. They've got 3 witnesses, and I'm speaking about how I found you' he said trying to make me feel better but it wasn't.

'How can I go up and say all that though? I got someone that I love so much out of all this. Someone that I wouldn't want to live without now' I sighed.

'I know'

'No you don't' I snapped. 'I'm shitting bricks about this Richard. I don't want to go. I spent ages trying to forget what happened that night and how he left me and how you found me and now I've got to bring it all back up again. I've got to go and talk about it in front of a massive court of people and tell them that he rammed himself inside me without consent but that I wouldn't change that for the world' I said shifting away.

'Your over thinking it. Do you really want him loose in the world? I mean he's a disgusting pig. You've got to stop what happened to you happening to anyone else' Richard said but I stood up in a huff.

'I'm going back to bed' I snapped, dumping the tea on the table and went back to my room, with him hot on my tail. 'On my own' I said shutting the door and collapsing down it.

I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't do this. I wanted a way out of all this. A way of getting out of going to court but I can't keep running from the problem for ever.

- - -

'Is she ever going to shut that baby up? As cute as she is... I need my beauty sleep' Lilly said as she was the last one to congregate outside Clara's room.

'Why is Richard not dealing with it? I get Clara's having a mare and needs some sleep, but feed the damn kid' Adrian said.

'She threw me out' Richard said making them all whip their heads and look at Richard in the doorway.

'What the hell?'

'She was nervous about going to court and I tried to make things better for her but she couldn't do it, and stormed away, slamming the door in my face'

'God' John said, pushing the door open forcing Clara out of the way and switched the light on.

'Go away' I mumbled.

'Richard. Feed her will you?'

'I'll do it John' Lola said as she appeared in the doorway. I didn't even know that she was here.

'Okay. Just feed her and hold her to sleep. I'll be with you in a minute' John smiled as he handed her over and crouched down to Clara. 'I'll take her for tonight yeah? I understand why you don't want to see her right now. That doesn't make you a bad Mother - it just means that your struggling to handle all of this' he smiled at me.

I nodded and he looked over at Richard shutting the door. Admittedly the whole flat felt much better now that the sounds of the distressed baby had stopped crying.

'Clara. Come on. Come to bed' Richard said holding out a hand and pulling me up into the bed with him, as I broke down into full sobs. 'Shush. Your not going to be alone tomorrow. I'll be there and John and Lilly will all be there to support you too'

'That's not the point. I just don't want to go at all' I sniffed.

'I know you don't want too... But you have too. For yourself more than anything else. Get some closure with him' Richard said stroking my hair again as he practically cradled me in his lap.

I decided that words weren't what I wanted right now.

I had a physical desperation and he was the one to do it, so I kissed him roughly and pushed him into my pillows.

It's kind of times like these that I want John because he can give the best comfort sex in the world but unfortunately he wasn't an option - so Richard would have to do.