"Your Dying... But I love you..." - (Chapter 200 onwards)

Chapter 316 - "As Long as You Want Me..."

Chapter 316 - "As Long as You Want Me..."

Clara's PoV

I sat in silence as he left the room, and didn't know quite what to do or say.

I had just found out that the baby I had been carrying for 8 months wasn't John's, after having foolishly been telling myself on a cycle that she was his.

Every time she kicked or moved I would tell myself that she was John's but reality was a whole lot harder to deal with.

The hardest part is that I love her. I love her more than anything in the world now and wouldn't want to look back for one moment. I wouldn't want to not have her.

I couldn't imagine what the last few months would have been like if I hadn't had her or hadn't been pregnant with her.

'Clara. Can I come in?' Richard asked slowly at the door.

I snapped out of my daze and realised that I had tears falling from my cheeks faster and heavier than I could keep up with, as Richard carefully made his way over to the bed.

'She's--' I cut myself off not even able to say it. I couldn't even say the words, and he could see that in my face.

'I know Clara. I know' he assured me as he climbed on the bed next to me and I fell into his arms, collapsing in his chest and falling completely to pieces. 'Shush. Well get though this. It's just some more shit for you to get through but you will. I promise' he said stroking my hair. 'You will'

Oddly his words were strangely comforting even though there was no logic behind them at all. He just let me cry and cry until I must have fallen asleep from pure exhaustion because I don't remember doing anything else.

- - -

'Woah. Richard. When you went home last night did you actually sleep?' Lilly acknowledged staring at Richards sleep and nutrition deprived face.

'No. Not really. I could hardly think of anything other than Clara and the baby. It makes me so sad to see them like this. It's going to strain everything between them now. He's been so looking forward to her being born, and now she is born... Things have changed' Richard pouted.

- - -

I sat up in the bed and found that there was only one thing that I wanted to do right now.

So I stumbled up, throwing some converse on with my pyjamas (looking stylish in the hospital) and headed to the maternity ward.

I had to see her.

There wasn't really anyone around so I snuck into the ITU and looked at her through the plastic. She was sleeping so soundly, breathing in and out, with the feeding tube stretched to her nose.

It didn't look comfortable but if it was helping her then I suppose it doesn't matter for now.

'She looks like you, you know Clara' I heard someone say in the doorway, and I span around to see it was Richard looking at me with a smirk.

I wish he would go home and get some sleep or eat or something. He doesn't have any ties to be here.

'Does she?' I mumbled through a scratchy voice. I hadn't spoken since waking up, and had done nothing but cry before going to sleep so I dread to think what I look like.

'Yeah. She's got your hair. Your facial features - and to all of our disadvantages - she's got your eyes. The eyes that can get away with murder' he chuckled coming to stand next to me.

I felt him wrap and arm around my shoulders as I rested my head on his shoulders. 'I don't know what Felix looks like... Not properly anyway' I whispered.

'So what? She'll be raised with you. It's not all about genetics. Some of your looks is environment too' Richard shrugged. 'Well just have to make sure she's a rebellious little munchkin and have her ears pierced and toe pierced or something'

'Toe? Is that even possible?'

'Maybe'

'I just don't know. How can I love her so much Richard yet despise the person that has created her? She wouldn't be here if Felix hadn't of raped me, but I love her so much already that I'm kind of glad in a confusing and really strange way that it did happen'

'Life's confusing Clara. There's no going back now. You can only go forward, and you can't say that because you loved her before you knew for sure who's baby she was. And you'll love her all the same after knowing'

'It's just strange' I said in a quiet voice.

'I know. I do understand. I do get it' he smiled kissing my forehead letting go of me and pushed his hand through the hole.

'Will you feel left out if I let him have legal parent status over her? I don't want to upset him but I don't want to loose you either'

'I won't be upset Clara and I won't leave either. I'm here as long as you want me... And even then when you decide you don't want me anymore - I wouldn't leave her for the world' he smiled looking up, as she woke up.

Her little eyes shot open, and looked up at him as he smiled down at her, then moved his hand to stroke her tiny cheek. 'I can't wait to get to hold you little one. I can't wait until your big enough to play games and come out with me' Richard hummed to her, telling her about all the things he can't wait to show her.

He's like her Dad in a way too. He's been there through the entire pregnancy, and has been so supportive. He practically knew her schedule of kicking and movements as well as I did.

'What will you do? Where are you going to live?'

'John and Jane said I can move in with them, but I think we'll live at home until after Christmas I guess, when I suppose we can move back up to university. I'll have to either find someone to look after her or put her in a nursery. I don't want to go back to uni and leave her behind. As much as I want to run away, I can't leave her here with my Dad while I'm the other side of London. I would miss her too much' I pouted, as Richard grabbed my wrist.

He pushed my hand through the hole and didn't let go, when we were both holding and touching her tiny little hand. 'She knows that' he smiled, as I rested my head in his chest once again, watching her wriggle around in the cot for a little while longer.