You hadn't left your bed all day. It was one of those days when you felt like you were a prisoner of your own mind, all of your energy completely vanished and you had absolutely no motivation. Your phone would ring periodically but you didn't have the strength to move to answer it.
You knew it was Taylor calling from the specific familiar ringtone you had set for her, the one that's gone off dozens of times today. You knew eventually she'd get the hint that it was just one of those days and she do one of two things: either giving you some space and call you to check on you again tomorrow or she'd come over and see how you were doing, needing to make sure you were okay.
You somehow drifted off to sleep and awoke a couple hours later to the front door closing downstairs, footsteps quietly creeping up the stairs. You stayed silent in the darkness of the room, fearing the worst but having no energy to find out if it was an intruder of some sort.
"y/n?" You heard Taylor whisper making you relax a little.
The room was so dark you couldn't see where she was so you jumped when you felt her hand on your back.
"Sorry, darling." She rubbed your back softly, moving your hair to your other side of your neck to softly kiss your skin.
"Are we not having a good day today?"
You shook your head and heard her sigh, the blankets rustling as she pulled them back to lay next to you on the bed.
You continued to lay on your side with your back facing away from her, your mind still racing and making you wish you could just escape it for a moment of peace and freedom.
You felt Taylor's warm hand on your back again, this time her nails lightly scraped at the skin; a trick she learned that seemed to help you calm down when you were at your worst.
"Do you want me to go?" You thought about it for a second before murmuring "no" into the darkroom.
You couldn't see it but Taylor was smiling at you, happy that even though you weren't feeling well you still wanted her there with her. But that was the thing.
You didn't want her there, well yeah, in a way you did; but more than that, you needed her there.
She knew your heart better than anyone else. She knows the sides of you that you don't show anyone else and she knows the real you. The one that sometimes gets a little buried underneath your mental illnesses, but it was always there and she had a way of bringing it out.
She carefully pulled you into her arms, letting you rest your back on her chest.
She was surprised when you turned around and rested your head on her shoulder, barely able to make out your face in the darkness of the room.
"Wanna tell me what's going on? You can talk to me if you want to, I'm here to listen, baby."
You stayed quiet for a few minutes, part of you want to open up to her because if you were safest with anyone in the world it was always her.
The other part of you thought didn't understand what was going on. It was like your mind was completely against you, along with the universe.
How can you talk about what's going on if you don't understand what was going on? All you knew was you wanted freedom from your mind, wanting to go back to the times when these thoughts didn't hold you hostage.
"You know how much I love you right?" Taylor spoke softly, her words making your heart skip a few beats and a small smile appeared on your face for the first time in who knows how long.
You nodded your head and sighed softly, searching for your voice to repeat the words back to her. It felt like forever before you found it.
"I love you", it came out shaky and quivering but she still smiled, you were still there with her and that was all that mattered.
"I know you're not feeling well. I know it hasn't been a good day, but I want you to remember that I'm here with you. You're not alone baby. Don't let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise. I know you're scared, I know you feel imprisoned and trapped, but you're not. It's just a bad day. Tomorrow will be better and if it's not, I'll still be here, if you want me to be."
Your eyes closed, feeling like your mind was starting to calm a little as you listened to the steady beat of Taylor's heart and the feeling of her soft fingers on your back.
"I'll always want you to be here with me. You make me feel safe." You whispered, you didn't really trust your voice. Taylor didn't need you to speak louder though, she heard you loud and clear.
She didn't just hear you when you spoke though; she heard you when you'd crawl into her arms with shaky hands and tears streaming down your face.
She heard you when you looked at with that empty look, signaling that you just wanted her to hold you.
You didn't need to speak to her to be heard and that was the one thing only she could give you, a feeling of safety when you felt like everything was out of control.
She is your shelter, your home. She's the one who loves you unconditionally and to no end, the one who truly could not judge you even if others did. She's the one who makes you feel safe and cared about. The one who makes you feel less alone. The one who makes promises about the future and would keep them at all costs, because you were the most important thing to her and the one who she envisions spending forever with.
She knows you have bad days, but you're not a bad person.
"You're not alone y/n. You'll never be alone. I'll always be here for you." She whispered into the darkness of the room, waiting for you to reply even if it was just a whisper.
But a moment passed before she realized you weren't gonna answer. She looked down to find you asleep, your eyes squeezed shut, and your mouth slightly open.
She knows that your anxiety and depression have a habit of making you feel completely exhausted even if you hadn't moved an inch for a day or two. She rubbed her fingers down your back and watched your eyelashes flutter against your cheeks.
She wasn't sure how long you'd sleep for and she didn't mind. She wasn't gonna leave you anytime soon. She'd stay there with you for as long as it took, for as long as you wanted her to.