Triangle Problem

[42]

It's been around 2 or 3 weeks that Mattheo, Tom and I haven't talked to each other. I feel awful. I don't know what to do and what I shouldn't do. I feel responsible that Tom and I aren't together and that they argued. I think they argued. I'm not sure tho. Theodore has tried multiple times to tell me to talk with them but I'm not listening to him. He tried to help and I thank him but I just can't do it at the moment. Parkinson and I have fight a lot of times but I can't calm. I can't forget what she did. Draco distanced himself from me. Just like everybody else. Now. Now that I need a bit understand, now everybody left me. I have no idea what I should do.

(I did a huge prologue. Whatever. Continue)

Now it's 7 o'clock. I change into my Slytherin robe and get out. I see Tom. He stares at me for a few seconds. We just stare at each other. I take my books, my wand and rush out of there. I go at the class and wait for a few minutes before students start coming inside. DADA first hours. Tom, Mattheo and Theodore are in my team. Well were. The last weeks I'm alone. It really sucks but I don't say anything. They want it like that.

The lesson starts. The boys are staring at me. It makes me feel awful. I start thinking everything again and again and again. I feel like I'm the problem right now. Like I did something awful even if I didn't. Just because of that Pansy girl that is still paying, I destroyed my mental health. I really did destroy everything. I can't stand up. I take my books and wand and run outside. Lastly I heard Snape's voice calling me.

"Alarie?".

I ignore him and run out of there. I run at the Astronomy Tower. I sit down there and just stare at the view. I can't take it. It's a lot for me. I destroyed all of my friendships that I had for a mistake that wasn't even mine. How stupid of me. Pansy was responsible. I blamed Tom at first. He wasn't angry at me for thinking like that. I was angry with myself that I thought that he could cheat on me with her.

Everything went back at the old days. Now you will ask what I mean. I mean that I'm alone for once again. Without friends, without company, sitting alone, laughing alone- ... Laughing. I was laughing. I am not anymore. It hurts to watch everybody so happy around here while I'm a shit like that.

Of course I am not angry at any of them. They have their lives and I have mine. Like the first years. Since that night that I overheard Mattheo's and Tom's conversation. The night that everything started. The night that I should be more careful than I was. The night that ... I got destroyed. After that night everything bad happened. I start killing people around here and there without care. I killed my own father, Voldemort, a few kids. Dumbledore. I learned who I really am and destroyed my mental health.

I hate to admit it but my father was right. He told me that I'll become like that. A dirty girl with no life that will bring pain on the world. I did it. I brought pain to the people that I once loved and called mine. The people that I thought were my friends but now they pulled me away because I pulled away Tom and Mattheo.

Pansy got whatever she wanted. She destroyed me. I hate to admit but she won. Everybody are away from me. Even Draco. At least at first I had Draco but now? Now I have no one for once again. I don't deserve that. I really don't.