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✯❀𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐊𝐀𝐘𝐂𝐈𝐄 𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐘𝐃❀✯
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Tw: suicidal thoughts, self harm, alcohol and drug mentions.
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Kaycie Lloyd's life had never been easy.
For as long as she could remember, everything had been bad. The earliest memory she had was the one of her parents death; a brutal car crash that only she had survived.
You'd think, given the fact England wasn't the poorest of countries, the child support system would be helpful and safe, but no.
Kaycie's life had gone to complete and utter shit the second her parents were gone. The orphanage was a total dump and the people were vile, if anything, it was the one place you knew not to take your children.
Kaycie was thankful for Charlotte, of course. Meeting Lottie was definitely one of Kaycie's core memories, she could still remember the day the little ginger girl had wandered into the girls bedroom with a frown on her face; Kaycie was beyond excited to make friends with her.
Charlotte had always been a person Kaycie had found comfort in. It had always been in the simple things, like staying up late and watching the stars or sneaking out of the orphanage with cheap alcohol and intoxicating cigarettes. No matter what it was, Lottie was a good listener. Sure, she wasn't the best at giving advice, that title stuck with Kaycie, but bring able to talk about her feelings to Lottie had always been enough.
Throughout their childhood, Kaycie had always seen Lottie as a little sister. She was the girl Kaycie had to protect, the girl Kaycie would stand by and make sure was always okay. Leaving for boarding school at the young age of eleven made that hard. Kaycie had never been a fan of Beauxbatons, she had always envied Charlotte for going to such a laid back school that didn't have such desperate beauty standards, Hogwarts didn't make it extremely difficult to fit in, everyone was unique, they could be themselves.
Even now, at the age of sixteen, almost seventeen, Kaycie envied Lottie.
She envied the fact that Charlotte and her friends could laugh the ugliest of laughs and not be judged. She envied the fact that they could dress how they wanted and not be in fear of being looked down on, they didn't have to worry about a strict professor lecturing them on how they looked or acted. Kaycie despised the fact it went the opposite way for her.
She had perched herself on the windowsill of her dorm, her dainty fingers holding an unlit cigarette as she looked around the Beauxbatons grounds. It was quite beautiful, really, and if she enjoyed being there, she may have appreciated the way it looked a little more.
Her dorm mates were all sound asleep, they all seemed to live such perfect pretty lives, it made Kaycie feel sick.
The three of them had never understood her - not that they had tried to - and it made Kaycie feel disappointed. She didn't understand how four people the same age and the same house weren't the closest of friends, they were more like strangers who avoided one another as best as they could.
Still, she didn't really care about them, why should she?
Lighting her cigarette with a cheap lighter she had found at the orphanage, Kaycie sighed.
She knew she was supposed to go to Hogwarts in just over a month, and yet a part of her didn't know if she could truly do it. Moving into a new school in the middle of sixth year wasn't ideal, everyone had already made their friends and everyone already knew each other. She'd have to join a new house and meet new people. She hated the thought of it, and yet she knew it would make Lottie happy. Still, as much as she wanted her sister to be happy, the anxiety that moving schools gave her was unmatched. It made her skin crawl and itch, it made her panic and stress, she really didn't think she could do it.
Her mental health had been a struggle for as long as she could remember. Her arms had always been littered in scars and her body filled with drugs and alcohol; it was the easy way out of everything. Her mind was constantly consumed with dark and intrusive thoughts, ones that often won the game of should I or shouldn't I. She was constantly in fear of what would happen if those thoughts overstepped, if she did something too dangerous, and yet apart of her wished for it to happen. A part of her wanted for everything to just stop, for an overstep to happen and for everything to finally end, god it would be refreshing.
The only thing holding her back was Lottie, someone who kept her at ease.
But what if Charlotte didn't care? Her family was back in her life now, she didn't live at the orphanage, she had good friends and strong bonds, and by the looks of it, a new boyfriend.
Kaycie had received tens of letters from Lottie, but she couldn't bring herself to answer them. She felt guilty for being so weak, so helpless and so boring, her days weren't as exciting as Lotties, she could hardly keep up her mask of sarcasm and funny jokes, it was all so tiring and draining. It was becoming hard to stay holding onto the pieces of life that still had meaning.
Kaycie knew she shouldn't feel this way, her life was supposed to be getting better, James bloody Potter was trying ever so hard for that to happen. Things had changed a lot for Kaycie the day that James Potter strolled into her life. She was grateful for the changes he had made to such a horrific place, and yet it confused her all the same.
She could still remember when she had asked him why he was doing it.
"Hey Kaycie!" He had smiled, strolling over to her as she made her breakfast.
"Hello,"
"How are you doing? Enjoying the changes made so far?" He asked, a beaming smile on his face.
Kaycie took a deep breath, "I hate to be rude, really, I do, but why are you helping? Why are you trying to change a place that has been like...this for so long?"
James' smile didn't falter in the slightest.
"Have you ever experienced something in this place that you hate to remember?" He asked.
Kaycie thought back to the majority of her childhood. "Well...yeah?"
"Now think about everyone else here," he said, "imagine someone else went through that? Or you had to experience it again?"
She winced, hating the idea of a young child like Ella experiencing the pain she once had.
"I want to prevent that from happening," James said, "and I can do, if you guys give me a chance."
She nodded, but was still confused, "but why now, why waste the money when you could spend it on something more valuable?"
"Why not?" He shrugged, "I'd rather be a good person than one of those idiots who waste their money on unnecessary things...besides, you kids deserve better!"
She nodded, still confused as to why someone could be so kind with such a little reasoning behind it.
She knew he was a nice guy, but did she deserve that kindness? Or was she supposed to stay struggling, was she supposed to leave her life how it was until she snapped and well....it all just...ended?
She watched the ash of her cigarette fall to the ground, her mind flickering with thoughts as she tried to figure out why things had gone so wrong for her, as she tried to figure out why her life was destined to be ten times worse than the bitchy girls she had to share a dorm with.
Why, why, why.
A/N
Poor baby <3
Qotd: how do you think this book will end? (If you're someone who ive told how it will actually end, you're not allowed to answer)
Word count: 1346