Chasing Dreams (Dropped)

Chapter 173: Uselessness

I have always been frustrated by my own uselessness...

In the face of the evils of the world...

I'm just a man incapable of accomplishing anything...

Ren cracked his fist against Maija's face and watched her slide back.

"Not bad!" Maija bounced back like a rubber ball. In Fujiwaran culture, power was the only way to assert dominance. From a young age, Homura instilled those lessons onto her daughter, and even now, those lessons remained vibrant within Maija's wild mind.

However, Ren was different from Maija. Despite his mixed lineage, he wasn't raised as a Fujiwara. He didn't enjoy fighting, nor did he wish to stand over everyone else.

"That wasn't good enough." Ren grumbled, holding his hand. He thought punching Maija would bring him some level of satisfaction, but instead, he felt the same as before.

Sad.

Angry.

Cold.

Numb.

These were all emotions that came to mind. For Ren leaving Erica behind to face Michael alone, it felt like he had abandoned a part of himself. Erica had always gone above and beyond to protect him and Nyssa, while Ren had done nothing but let her face those troubles alone.

"..." Maija's glimmering grin faded in a wave of silence. "Letting go is hard for you isn't it?"

For once, Maija sounded calm. Her flavorful voice lost all its volume and now came out like a fair whisper. She stared at Ren sympathetically. In all honesty, she knew very little about him. After coming to this world and speaking to Arthur, all she learned was that most of her people were killed by her Father's hands.

All of them cursed to live within the sword that forged the rest of the world.

"I just don't understand..." Ren's scowl regressed into a spiritless stare. There wasn't much of Ren left. Mei made sure to strip most of him away when she forced him to endure the endless cycle of life and death. Then Michael finished off what was left by ending Erica's life.

"How can you expect it not to be?" Ren's voice sounded lifeless as if all happiness had been siphoned from him. "How is someone supposed to get used to losing everything?" Ren gave up. He lost the strength in his legs and collapsed.

"At every chance he gets, Michael finds a way to take everything from me."

"Irene."

"Nyssa."

"Erica."

"He even has a vendetta against Natsumi, and will probably come for her next." Ren didn't even like entertaining the possibility of Natsumi dying. But, he was rational enough to comprehend how deep Michael's hatred for Irene went. "What am I supposed to do when he does?"

"I can't stop him." Ren admitted. "I tried, and I failed."

"I failed to stop him from hurting Nyssa, and I failed to stop him from killing-" Ren froze. Just saying the words felt like he was making it a reality. Instead of finishing, Ren lowered his head and cursed his weakness.

"I..." Ren's voice quivered, and he crawled across the ground, trembling until his body no longer possessed the strength to keep moving. It was difficult for Maija to understand Ren's words behind his drowning sobs. But eventually, Ren caught air and let the words slip out.