Cover: 00/05 Pros :: No pros. I'm sorry for that. Cons :: The cover looks entirely out of the place. Adding a pic of Namjoon and making it as if he belongs to the mafia is not at all a good idea. Moreover, the text seemed too bright in contrast to the entire cover and didn't really seem eye catching. The overall greyish texture is also not appreciated. I would suggest you to place the woman beside Namjoon and create such a contrast where we're able to make out what kind of story it is. To be honest, when I saw the cover, I thought Namjoon belonged to the dark side and not the main lead. Suggestions :: Use a font in overlay with a grey background and use a clear picture of the woman. To be honest, I think it would be better off without the woman in the cover. Choose a cursive font, and make sure it you place it in such a way that it doesn't affect the entire output of the cover.
Title: 01/05 Pros :: Just an eye catching title. Cons :: The title did not suit the story line at all. It was rather kinda messed up. I don't see how exactly a romantic story has to do with the title. Rather, you can play around with the words and make it more amusing. Suggestions :: I would probably choose a title with a romantic hint to it. I'm not getting any ideas at the moment but I guess you're getting what I'm trying to tell.
Synopsis: 08/10 Pros: it's pretty good as you've given details into the life of Soomin and a glimpse into the love life. It's pretty balanced but I did notice some grammatical errors and misplaced punctuations which can be rectified while editing. Cons: You in fact gave away a hint that problems were going to arise in their relationship. That gives away a major part of their plot. Suggestions: Try to fix the grammatical errors and make the blurb more interesting by adding a mysterious vibe to it.
Execution: 05/10 The execution of the plot is not done well as it becomes like the typical wattpad cliche fanfic with a love triangle in it. With the plot moving in a really slow pace, all I see is ignorance, confusing, lust. These are the only emotions I'm able to witness. This doesn't really have a huge toll on the plot and rather becomes boring. Try to use more literary devices to make it more and more creative and presentable.
Plot: 05/20 Pros: None except the fact that you highlighted woman empowerment. Cons: To be honest, I don't see how your plot is moving on. It's really messed up to be honest. In the beginning, you make it seem like Yoongi is her best friend after which you make them a couple and then immediately fluctuate back to an unbalanced relationship between them. You also make Namjoon an innocent one with no background profile. It seems really absurd for a person to be falling in love after an advancement in the sexual status. I don't see much of a sense in there. The next thing I noticed was how you potray Jimin's relationship. That too seemed to be a bit rocky. You stuffed all the relationships into one scenario with Namjoon being the innocent and clueless one, followed with Yoongi being the jealous and overprotective one and then, soomin being the one caught in a love traingle with her mind never straight. Here, you're basically in fact, messing the plot to a great extent that it doesn't make sense. Suggestions: Give the characters some space and time to think. Don't make them take conflicting decisions. Rather, make them contemplate on everything. Other than that, I feel like Soomin has been taking a little too much advantage of Namjoon. That should be a bit changed and you can work around the plot too so it seems to be a bit more creative rather than the typical romantic Fanfic.
Writing Style: 17/20 Pros: The writing style is pretty good and I don't find much plot in that. The usage of literary devices might spice up the entire plot. Cons: the pace is incredibly slow with too many descriptions and redundant dialogues. Suggestions: Might improve on the execution of dialogues and usage of literary devices.
Grammar & Vocabulary: 14/20 Pros: Vocabulary was pretty good and the consistency in the words was maintained well.
Cons:
".... transcendent experience that takes her to new highs..." Here, it should rather be heights rather than highs.
"...headache would form..." The usage of the word form is grammatically incorrect.
"...she likes to sit and hear the chatter around her.." here, likes can be replaced by love since it represents a strong emotion that brings her out of the rigid world she lives in.
"...man in front of her ; he looks..." Here, there should a full stop after her cause you're starting a completely new subject which has no relation to the previous sentence.
".... stop himself from that wierd comment...." Here, from should be replaced by for.
Half hour should be written as half an hour. The another thing I noticed is how often you write 10:00 pm and after which you write four pm. Try to maintain a uniform standard.
"...fuck of Yoongi, Jimin laughs.." here, laughs should be replaced by cursed.
"A blonde Jimin..." It would be appreciable if you just used blonde Jimin.
Suggestions: I noticed grammatical errors like this throughout the book so it would be better if you used apps or the help of a professional editor to correct them.
Characters & Development: 04/10 The character development, I have to say, was a bit messed up. I didn't notice much character development, just conflicting emotions throughout. And those emotions were also not acceptable considering how it didn't make sense if it were to happen in reality. It would be more appreciable if you could some of the characters dominant and some vulnerable.
Total: 54/100
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