Even though the color scheme used here is dark and perfect for the story. It is not well matched. It doesn't give off the horror vibes nor mysterious one. The title and the story theme aren't related to the cover at all. I would suggest you use any horror building image, mansion image with ragged condition and use Halloween text instead of using bold one. After this, the text written as the title on your current cover is too big and the subtitle is too small that it can't be seen. I hope you can work on creativity and make it better.
Title:⅘
It matches the storyline and plot. It grabs the attention of the readers as well. It is a perfect match for the title. A good job in choosing the title.
Synopsis: 3/10
I wouldn't call it a perfect blurb. The story's description, title and cover are the main factors which catch the reader's attention. Unfortunately, in this case, the synopsis you gave didn't catch my attention at all. The story is of mystery and horror genres, but the blurb doesn't give off those feelings.
It doesn't match the theme and doesn't attract readers. I would suggest you use a mysterious, horror scene or some interesting dialogues from the story to make it catchy. It puts a good impression on readers if the character's names stay hidden and not get revealed in blurb. I hope you can change that.
Execution: 8/10
I don't have any objection to this factor. Each and every thing and scene was executed properly. The scenes, the events, the reasoning behind them were explained in detail. This story has a horror theme and I didn't expect romance which was shown in the first few chapters. It gave light and good feelings even though the surroundings were scaring me to the core. Good job here.
Plot: 17/20
Most people avoid the horror genre. That is simply, because they don't know how to execute things and such events. Your plot was good. I liked it, except for a few scenes or better say the dynamics of the plot. At a few points, it was not explained. You didn't discuss the reason for this all horrid briefly and didn't make any sense to the ending. Except for this gap, I found nothing to object.
Writing style: 12/20
Execution, which elements you used to describe your plot, literary devices, usage of words or in other words vocabulary, this all affects writing style. Writing style is one of those main things which makes you stand out among others. This factor either makes the book cliche and boring to read or it makes the reader's stay glued to it.
Your execution was good but the way you wrote sentences caused a bad impression. Excessive use of pronouns causes irritation. Reading words again and again is troublesome. You also have phrasal errors at some places.. Such as in the very first chapter, you wrote:
"He stopped in front of the room 3046. He went inside without hesitation. He wasn't scared of anything. He was not himself. He ascended down up the roof and jumped from there"
First of all, "The" is used only before a proper noun. Means social one. Such as "It is the milk" It is wrong. It should be as "It is milk" but if you are telling a special bonding or scene related to this milk, then you can say "It is the milk specially preserved for cats" Now it made the word "Milk" a proper noun.
After this, excessive use of pronouns irritates the reader and annoys them. Example is the above underlined paragraph. You used "He" in the start of every sentence. Which not only annoys the reader but also puts bad impressions regarding the story line.
Instead of using pronouns every time, you can use an action tag. Example is below:
"He stopped in front of room 3046. Without any hesitation, he stepped inside. He wasn't scared of anything. Looked like he was not even himself. Ascending up the roof, without thinking twice, a loud thud was heard soon as he fell from there"
Just like this,let's see one more example.
You wrote:
"It was raining heavily outside" no,according to the phrases and rules, this should be "Raving cats and dogs". Using correct phrases and idioms according to the rules and situation puts good marks.
I hope you can work on it and get better.
Grammar: 14/20
Your grammar is pretty good. I don't have any objection to this or any guidance for you in this factor. But there is something which I would be glad to discuss.
Grammar is divided into 2 categories. One is tenses and one is Prepositions and parts of speech. Your grammar part I'd good but I can't say the same regarding the later one. Check the examples below:
"Namjoon, y/n, and Taehyung" now, in this,always keep in mind that we don't use commas before and. Instead, the comma is to differentiate the latter from the first. Telling us that these are two different things which is also the work of And. We don't use both in one sentence.
After this, always remember "Ellipses" are only (...) Three dots. No maximum,no minimum. They are used to leave the readers hanging in mid sentences to assume the emotions and feelings. They are used to create anxiety, tension and suspense.
There are also many occasions where you didn't put the question marks.
Hope you will consider this all and will be back with a better and improved version.
Character's development: 7/10
As we have discussed before, this story is a horror genre. Basically, in these types of plots, the character's development and the change of behavior are rarely focused. The main focus is to create horror and suspense with the characters solving puzzles.
You discussed briefly about their emotions and feelings. Their behavior was fair in every situation.
But I don't think there was any development in those characters. It was simple and smooth. They stayed the same from the start till the end.
Total: 67/100
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