It's simple and plain. I know the complexity doesn't matter but the relevance of the cover does. Your cover is totally irrelevant to the theme and story plot of the book. Cover depicts the story theme and plot. The cover is a basic element which tells you what the story is about and what's its theme.
This book is of the romance genre with mystery and thrill as sub genres. You should use a dark theme with strong mafia vibes. I suggest putting more effort in creativity and attraction of the cover.
You can visit the community's graphic shop for best designed covers for your book.
Title: ⅗
The title is unique and gives off mysterious vibes. But I don't think that the purpose of choosing this title is shown in the story yet. It has only 7 chapters excluding the intro. A plot covering all the concepts can't be built in only 7 chapters. So I don't know if this title is relevant or not. But I can depict that it has a strong and deep connection to the story plot.
Blurb: 6/10
The description of the story caught my attention and gave me mysterious vibes. But I don't think it is a perfect synopsis of the book. It is not telling us any of the characters or describing the scene. An extract from a book doesn't make a perfect description. You should give us a little idea about the plot and book.
Execution: 4/10
The execution is bad. The scenes are fast paced and seem rushed. They are mingling with each other without any proper description and difference between them. The actions are not defined. You should not use only dialogues or rushed POV. The sudden and often change of POV affects the plot execution.
Your story is still in the beginning and I think there is a lot to uncover. The plot still has to take place fully, even the proper encounter of the main leads is not imprinted yet. You should update frequently so we can see how the plot is executed.
Plot: 12/20
I have seen a few elements and character's choices to say that even though this plot is cliche but those elements make it unique as well. Such as most stories here deal with the male lead or any of the BTS members as a mafia role or a mafia king. It's always the BTS member who is the mafia king and plays the role of a bad ass whereas the girl is innocent and away from all of this.
But no in this book we see the girl as a bad ass mafia queen with our male lead being the innocent one. It's unique in its own way.
But I don't think that I can say anything else about the plot. This story is still in the beginning process and seeing the rushed and fast pace of the plot events, I don't find myself depicting the future of the book.
Writing style: 10/20
Writing style is one of those basic elements which either bore the reader or make them stick to the book. The writing style of yours tells us how successful your book will be. Sometimes, writers can't get deserved recognition even with their unique ideas and story plots,only because of their writing style.
Your writing style needs a lot of improvement. Making the appearance of panic and angry situations or showing the fear of characters, you should not use capital letters for this purpose. After this, you should use exclamatory signs only once or twice. Such as:
"Am I going to die!! No… No… It can't be!!"
Ellipses are also used to show us the character's frustrations, anger and fear. You shouldn't use so many explanatory signs and capital letters. It leaves a bad impression. After that, you should not leave so much gap in paragraphs. It also has a negative influence.
You should focus on the characters as well. Using backgrounds and short explanations of events, surroundings and characters is something which readers like.
Grammar: 13/20
Your grammar needs to be improved. There are plenty of grammatical errors in the book as well as the misuse of the words "will" and "would be". There are also plenty of errors in spelling and prepositions. Punctuation mistakes count the overuse of exclamatory signs and commas.
Development: 1/10
The story is in the beginning process. I can't say anything about character's development. Writer hasn't introduced the characters well yet. They are still unknown and unexplained to the reader. I don't know what they are feeling or thinking regarding a situation. You should focus on the character's description and their behaviors. Keeping one POV at one time and explaining what they are feeling, what they are debating inside their minds.
To get better at this, you should practice it with yourself. Put yourself in the place of the character and think deeply about what you would have done if you were in the same situation. Feel yourself, write the scene and believe me it always works.
Total: 56/100
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