The cover is a dark theme, matches with the plot and the story line. But let me be honest, it is not catchy enough. It doesn't give you excited and mysterious vibes and it looks dull. The font choice, I think, is fair but the color is not. Dark red color is making it mingle with the background dark theme and it doesn't appeal pleasant to eyes. Also the characters images you used as face claim are not visible. They look bad quality.
I am not good with graphics but I can suggest you a few tips. Use bold cursive with bloody Halloween font. Make the font a bit lighter in shade and increase the quality of pictures. You can take services from our graphic shop as well which provides you with amazing graphics according to your taste.
Title: ⅘
It is doing a pretty job in attracting the readers. It gives me mysterious and anxious vibes. It matches with the theme and the story line as well.
Synopsis: 7/10
At first, I didn't feel excited. It was longer than my expectations. But as I read furthè it spiked my interest. It didn't give me an idea about the book but it surely made me feel goosebumps and to read further.
Execution: 4/10
About this factor, you lack a few points. Events are rushing and the start is absurd. Even after reading a bit of the story, I can't seem to find the background. character explanation in boom. I don't know anything about the events taking place and neither do I know about the beings. What I meant to say is, this book usually contains dilahoues with only a gw lines as a description of scan. After that you used pictures, which I don't think is a bad deed but I think it would be better using them after you give a detailed graphic description of the event and place.
After that, the events feel rushed. All of a sudden they are traveling and events are going on. I think the explanation about their daily life routines and schedule would give this book a better vibe and make it look good.
Plot:17/20
For this factor, I am surprised since you picked a paranormal factorized plot. Not many like to read or write this stuff. So I was surprised when I read the prologue and chapters. This was an interesting start, I was curious to know more about the game and it's dreadful acts towards girls. What's the mystery behind it all?
However, as much as I would love to discuss it further, I don't think I can. This story doesn't have many updates and has not updated since 1st August. I don't know what will happen next nor can I talk about any major twist. I excuse myself but overall I felt excitement but don't know what to express anymore.
Writing style: 9/20
Regarding this factor, I would love to pinpoint a few points. First of all, you should use short paragraphs having 4-5 dialogues. It is much appreciated. The excessive amount of dialogues in one long paragraph makes it messy as quotation marks are used frequently. Right?
After that, you need to focus on the explanation. This includes background, characters, events, scenes, emotions and inner conflicts of. character as well. There is an easy practice to improve in this. Let yourself put yourself in your character's shoes. Make your words powerful and use them to tell us your emotions. Do a monologue, become Lisa for a moment and think about what you might have done in that certain situation.
Life is dear to each and everyone. There are only a few who will sacrifice themselves to save others. Don't wanna offend you but… Think for a moment, would you choose your life or choose others? I hope you will consider the points mentioned above.
Grammar: 10/20
You need improvement in this factor as well. After that, you use capital letters in dialogues a bit too much. It doesn't only give you an irritating vibe, it makes you annoyed as well. Reading in captions is difficult and many find it a problem reading it. You can use punctuation marks to express emotions and feelings.
You barely used punctuations, for pause, you can use a comma, for Semi pause; A semi colon. For annoyed, angry and happy dialogues and emotions, use exclamatory signs.
You need to work on vocabulary as well. Repetition of a word makes the reader irritate. There are many words with one meaning. Search around the words for a certain situation. I am sure you would consider it all and I will see a better version soon.
Character development: 2/10
It is all mentioned before, the characters are not discussed briefly. Not even in the shortest I know about their behavior, their habits and hobbies and their lifestyle. I know nothing about them to predict their characters. Story didn't even have 10 chapters. Based on these factors, I am not able to say anything regarding character development. Story is still in the basic process. You haven't updated it in a while and I would suggest you to upload it frequently to let us know their characters and behaviors.
Total: 55/100
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