To be honest, the cover would’ve looked amazing if you had chosen a more suiting font. It just ruined that ‘beauty’ of the cover. Other than that, I loved the background and the color scheme. You could’ve reduced the intensity of the texts’ neon effect too.
Title: 04/05
While the title is apt for the book, it’s common. I have come across plenty of books with the same title. I think you could’ve improvised it a lot more- made it more entrancing. But at the same time, it is apt for the book, taking its theme and plot into consideration- which is why you got a 4.
Synopsis: 05/10
The synopsis wasn’t well written. It was too less-detailed and did not have enough elements to attract more readers. You could’ve added in more details. The way you conveyed the whole idea in the synopsis came off as very rushed, you know? Also, you should’ve avoided the exclamation point at the end of the first sentence- it ruined the serious mood the synopsis was better off with.
Execution: 07/10
If I’m being completely honest, I wanted to stop reading the book after the first half of the very first chapter. It’s just that everything is so long and that makes the book come off as mundane. You know what I’m trying to say? You could’ve separated one paragraph into two- that was how long it was. This was perhaps the main issue of the book.
Other than that, you did a good job.
Plot: 18/20
The plot was something new, yet something common, you know what I’m trying to say? The thing is, it was conveyed differently and in a more unique way- that’s what made the book beautiful. And yes, that was a compliment-
I didn’t find any ‘loop holes’ as such, neither was the plot rushed. It was just fine.
Writing Style: 14/20
First off, I must say that your paragraphs are just obnoxiously long. It just ruins that ‘mood’ the reader has, to read. Too many long sentences too. One could easily get bored of the whole book keeps the same writing style.
When you convey thoughts in italics, it’s better if you do it in a separate line, and then continue the rest of the paragraph in a different line. You know what I’m trying to say? Right, for instance, let’s take this paragraph taken as it is from the first chapter: ‘Olivia laughed, but continued swaying to the music in the dimly lit club. Elleigh's a big girl, she can handle herself, Olivia thought. With the courage bestowed her by those three shots of whiskey . . .’
Here, you could’ve written the thoughts in a different line. So, the whole thing would be something like this:
[Olivia laughed, but continued swaying to the music in the dimly lit club.
Elleigh's a big girl, she can handle herself, Olivia thought.
With the courage bestowed her by those three shots of whiskey . . .]
This could also help in reducing the paragraph lengths.
Apart from that, your writing style is beautiful. Just the right amount of details- not too much, not too little. The same goes for the way things were described.
Grammar & Vocabulary: 16/20
The grammar wasn’t so bad. You need to pay attention to the punctuations, though. Cut sentences short when you have to- don’t keep on elongating them using commas; it gets boring when you do that. Then of course, the exclamation points. I noticed that you use way too many of them. Use them when necessary, you know? At some points, you failed to use exclamatory tones when it was needed. So I guess you need to pay heed to the tones of your sentences.
In dialogues, you are to use a comma instead of a full stop, if the sentence isn’t completed yet (that is, if it’s further continued in the form of narration). This especially applies to action tags. You got them right in many places- but you did get it wrong at some.
Moving on to the vocabulary, it was not bad. There were a lot of places where you could’ve improvised the words you used, though. And then, there were a lot of places you used the wrong phrases to convey an idea. For instance, in the first chapter’s first paragraph, you say this: ‘Straightening his jacket as he stood . . .’
Here, it should’ve been ‘stood up’. Both of them make a difference. ‘As he stood’ would mean that he was standing still the whole time, while ‘stood up’ would mean that he just got up. Such errors run throughout the book.
Characters & Development: 09/10
The characters were good. The way you’ve given each of them their own spotlights is appreciable. The development is fairly noticeable too. So no comments on this one.
Total: 76/100
Final Note: First off, please do not be discouraged or demotivated due to anything I mentioned above. Please keep an open mind and accept the flaws. I suggest you edit out all the errors before you further continue the book so that t doesn’t become too much of a load. Hit my DMs up if you have any queries or doubts regarding my review. Good luck!
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