Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Title :: The Girl With The Black Hoodie
Author :: @spinebreaker_2000
Reviewer :: @SURREALGGUK
Reader Interaction :: 2/5
There aren’t many people commenting on your work although the reads are nearing 100 per chapter, so maybe that’s a hint for you to improve on your writing, or a hint on whether or not readers are interested in your book.
Cover :: 5/10
The cover had everything needed for a basic book cover, but the problem is with the aesthetics. It didn’t look pleasing to me at all, and I would have skipped this book if I were a reader looking for books. Our community has talented graphic designers who would love to help you with that!
Description :: 4/5
The description was beautiful. It was short but sweet, and I instantly knew what kind of story it was going to be. However, you lost that one mark because of the grammatical mistakes in the description, which was frankly too much to bear.
Title :: 6/10
The title is unique and relevant to the story, but it’s quite uncreative.
Plot :: 6/10
The plot was really cute, and I was definitely interested in finding out how the two would develop. However, I wasn’t really given much interaction between Taehyung and her until the last chapter, so that’s a problem as I’m only able to understand Taehyung’s point of view. Furthermore, the interactions are too little to allow Taehyung to love her, so that’s a problem as well.
Characters :: 5/10
I have to say that I’m really impressed. I was able to immerse myself into the story with Taehyung’s character, and I really empathised with him and felt the emotions he was feeling, and eventually started rooting for him too. However, the fact that he was attracted to her after looking at her once is although understandable, the fact that he claims to love her unconditionally is unrealistic to me. Taehyung is attracted to her because of the way she looks, and that DOES NOT constitute love. The fact that Taehyung has no idea what kind of person she is but somehow loves her unconditionally is just unacceptable to me, and I hope you can either remove this or add more interactions between the both of them that allow Taehyung to really get to know what kind of person she is.
In addition, the fact that she just gladly accepts Taehyung after the incident is also unrealistic to me. She has no impression of Taehyung at all, except for the fact that he works at the cafe she frequents and that she’s sheltered Taehyung from the rain before. Upon hearing a confession from someone you’ve never known personally, how can you accept them easily? This is what I’m seeing from the story, and it just doesn’t make sense to me.
Overall, I feel that while you were able to allow readers to immerse themselves into the story and allow your characters to be the bridge between readers and the story, you have a lot to work on in terms of realism for the characters, which can be done by thinking in their perspectives REALISTICALLY.
Grammar :: 12/20
The grammar is average for a Wattpad writer, so I’m quite impressed. However, there are some mistakes that are quite difficult to spot and I’ll be pointing them out here:
[I was waiting for her on the third day. At sharp at 5pm, you entered.] is really confusing, Who is [her]? Did you mean [you]? Instead, the sentence should be [On the third day, I was waiting for you. And you did show up at 5pm sharp.]
[You stayed still the 5 minutes without even moving a little.] should be [You stayed still for 5 minutes without even moving a little.]
[I was running fastly…] demonstrates the wrong use of English here. [fastly] is certainly not a word registered in the English dictionary, so you meant [I was running quickly back home…].
I noticed that you use informal English a lot in your writing. This can be easily solved by reading more books and applying your newfound knowledge by constantly writing. Your writing doesn’t have to be published, you can just keep writing drafts, then ask for feedback.
Overall, your grammar has quite a lot of room for improvement. I can tell English probably isn’t your first language, so you have a lot to learn regarding grammar. I suggest you read more books (preferably outside of Wattpad, but if you prefer fanfiction I suggest Tumblr fanfiction as the grammar and vocab there are top-notch.) to improve on your grammar as well as your word sense. You can draw inspiration from those books to add to your story in order to spice things up.
Writing Style :: 6/10
I could follow the flow of the story pretty well, but I feel that you are lacking in terms of your vocabulary. With more complex words, the emotions portrayed will definitely be amplified and allow readers to immerse themselves into the story more, which will greatly enhance their reading experience. To do so, I suggest that you read more books (preferably outside of Wattpad because Wattpad writers typically don’t really have good grammar anyway) to build your word sense as well as your word bank, and from there you can draw inspiration and use words that you’ve learned in your work. Other than that, I loved the descriptions of scenes, and I could really visualise them as well. Good job!
I’d like to point out that in one of the chapters, you bolded the word [a] in the phrase [a human], presumably to emphasise on something. The word you should be emphasising on is [human], as you need to provide the contrast between [human] and [angel], not [angel] and [a].
Attraction :: 6/10
I like that you added the conflict, i.e. the disappearance of Mia, because it definitely spiced things up a little and kept me interested all the way.
Opinion :: 6/10
It’s a typical fluff romance story between two people, but I like that I was able to immerse myself in Taehyung’s character. I feel that this story definitely has room for improvement, and you should start with the grammar. Overall, it’s a pretty promising story, and I can see it gaining more reads in the future if the things I highlighted are resolved. Have fun writing!
Total Score :: 48/100
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
