READER INTERACTION :: 2/5 There are only two people commenting on your work, but I see that they enjoyed it.
COVER :: 3/10 The effort in the background is worth applauding, but there's nothing aesthetically pleasing about the cover. The font choice can definitely be improved, and maybe a subtitle can be placed in the cover as well. The theme of the cover didn't go well with the story as well, so that should be fixed.
DESCRIPTION :: 1/5 I honestly have no idea why Wattpad authors only add quotes in their descriptions. What is the reader supposed to infer from it? Readers read descriptions in order to roughly understand what the story is like and who the story features. With a description like that, you shouldn't expect readers to read your book. I suggest that you add the rough plot of the book in your story, as well as who is involved, such that the reader knows what to expect when reading your book.
TITLE :: 8/10 The title is quite unique and relates well with your story as well. Good job!
PLOT :: 2/10 The plot was good, but it was really anticlimactic. I really felt emotions for all the characters, but there were literally no scenes between Jimin and Y/N leading up to the confession. I was expecting a longer oneshot, or maybe even a couple more chapters that featured those scenes. Instead, all I got was a rushed ending. I think the foundation of the plot is strong, but you could put in more effort in the middle and add in more scenes building the relationship between Jimin and Y/N. Overall, this was really disappointing.
GRAMMAR/VOCAB :: 5/20 Something I noticed is that there is absolutely no need to drag your words, like in [Y/NNNNNNNN!!!!] because 1) this is informal and typically used in text, and 2) it's ugly. Instead, you should be writing [Y/N!!]. It looks much better, and if you sub in a name to replace Y/N, it wouldn't come off as informal either. Next, to emphasise that someone is shouting, please don't write in all caps. Like I mentioned, it's ugly and typically used in text, and exclamation marks should already do the trick. If you really want to emphasise on the shouting, you should add two exclamation marks.
In addition, punctuation for dialogue should be left before the quotation marks, instead of after. Dialogue tags also shouldn't be capitalised except when the tag is a name.
I noticed that you have font styles for different characters. That just seems lazy to me. No matter how long the dialogue is, you should add at least one or two dialogue tags, as well as some action description following after.
From the first few paragraphs, I can already spot lots of mistakes in your grammar, and this is highly alarming as you only have one chapter, and editing shouldn't be that difficult. Here are some of the many mistakes I found, and how to correct them:
[Why are you shouting aren't your throat hurts and why are you keep asking me the same thing.] has quite some mistakes. First, a punctuation mark should be added in between [shouting] and [aren't]. Next, [aren't] is wrong in this context as well. If I spell it out fully, you're saying [are not your throat hurts]. Does that make sense to you? Because it doesn't for me. Lastly, [why are you keep asking me] is improper English. After correcting your sentence, I get [Why are you shouting? Does your throat not hurt? And why do you keep asking me the same thing?]
[She always done that to her best friend because she knew that this is what Cassandra hates most.]. This sounds like an elementary school student's writing work, if I'm being honest. The sentence should be [She had always done that to her best friend, Cassandra, as she knew that that was what she hated most.] If you want to write in past tense, make sure you stick to past tense. Don't switch to present tense unnecessarily because if ruins the flow of the story.
[She felt herself safe and secure because of hijab.] should be [She felt safe and secure because of her hijab.]
[Finally she started to walk towards entress.]. What is [entress]?? I think you meant [Finally, she started walking towards the entrance].
Overall, I can obviously tell that English isn't your first language. But since you stepped out of your comfort zone to write this book in English anyway, this isn't an excuse for sloppy grammar. You're going to have to put in much more effort in your grammar than other native English speakers. I recommend that you read books outside of Wattpad to improve on your grammar and build your word sense. If you're unsure of anything, please search it up. Google is a useful tool for all authors out there, and it'll never fail you.
ATTRACTION :: 0/10 Like I said, the plot started off strong, but towards the middle and the end, it felt really rushed.
WRITING STYLE :: 7/10 Your writing style was alright, and I could understand and follow the flow of the story.
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT :: 8/10 I could feel Y/N's frustrations as she struggled to be accepted, and how she kept holding on to her hijab even though it was the source to all the pain she felt. I enjoyed Cassandra and Y/N's friendship, and I found myself disliking Jimin at the start as well.
However, what I couldn't understand was why Y/N was accepted so easily into the company. Sure, maybe they had nothing against women wearing hijabs like the majority of people in society, but is that the only reason for accepting her? How would they know if Y/N was suitable or not without interviewing her at the very least?
In addition, Jimin seems a bit too immature for me. He's in his twenties, just like everyone else in the band. His POV just showed me how immature he was, and how unrealistic it was for him to be acting like that.
I don't understand how Y/N could easily accept Jimin like that. Jimin apologised for his behaviour at the company, but would you accept someone who tormented you your whole life, even if they were rich and handsome?
OPINION :: 2/10 I would have loved the book if it had multiple chapters, or if the middle of the story was developed further. The characters were good and well developed, but the way you executed the story was just disappointing.
OVERALL :: The book definitely has the potential to do well. For starters, the cover and the description needs to be fixed, followed by the grammar. The plot should be developed further as well. I hope this review helped you, and I wish you all the best in your writing journey.
TOTAL SCORE :: 38/100
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