Cover: 2/5 The cover barely has anything to see. The namjoon's picture is too dark and barely visible as it's mingling with the dark theme and background. The font choice is not good. It is intensely cursive which makes it hard to read.
You should use a bit lighter theme. The dark theme matches the storyline and plot theme but it should be designed in a way that it must appear pleasing to eyes and catch attention. The current cover is not catchy and entertaining at all.
The subtitle is not visible enough. Changing it into bold might look good. You should consider the cover as whole and change it according to the theme and plot pine. I don't see any attraction between cover and story line.
Title: ⅗ It didn't give me excited vibes or attracted me towards the book. However, it is unique as I don't see many stories with this name. Also it perfectly suits the storyline and plot.
Blurb: 6/10 It is good and well explained. It also gives us a detailed and brief idea about the story and plot line. However, I would suggest you shorten it a bit. It was not giving excited vibes as you gave a whole plot description in it. The blurb is supposed to excite the reader and gives mysterious vibes. But you explained your whole story book in this. You should use only a little description and use a short scene from the story to make it exciting. You can use any dialogue to spike the interest of the reader.
Execution: 7/10 The execution is well. However, I felt confused sometimes. You should use a short span of time between events. They are so abrupt and interfere with each other. After this, you explained the events and gave a description of each and every scene and surroundings but that is too short. The way you delivered the dialogues is not appreciated. We will discuss it in writing style.
Plot: 18/20 You used such a detailed and low burn way to describe and convey your story line. Your story is unique and the elements you used really made it good. The use of BTS idol au is cliché in stories but you used this theme in such a way that it made it really interesting and I was eager to read more and more.
Writing style: 10/20 Your plot is good and you maintained the execution well but the way you depicted the dialogues is not appreciated much.
There are many readers who leave the story after seeing this technique. Always remember, you are writing a story not a dialogue. The dialogues are the epitome of characters and their behaviors.
You wrote "I am (turning around)" this technique to describe the action is not appreciated as well. You should use "I am" He said as he turned around or "I am" he said, turning around.The style you choose to tell the action in the middle of the dialogues make it cliché.
You used pictures as well. Using pictures is not bad, but if you wanna use them you should tell us the scene or things in text first after that, just to clear the reader's confusion you should use pictures.
Hope you can consider them.
Grammar: 15/20 You don't have many grammatical errors. But you have spelling and preposition errors. The paragraphs are either too short or too long. You should follow one way. By grammatical errors I meant to say, there are a few occasions where you misused the pronoun. According to the tense used in the first part, you didn't use the right pronouns. Such as where you shouldn't have used the "s/es" you used and vice versa. Other than that, everything is fine.
The preposition errors cover the misuse of symbols. Not every time a comma is used for the pause. Sometimes, colon, semicolon, ellipses and dash marks are also used to portray the emotions and situations.
Character's development: 5/10 Even though I don't see the details and explanations regarding characters. You didn't explain the behaviors, inner conflicts, their reasoning. I didn't know what they were thinking of the situation. The behaviors of characters and their emotions are also not described well. You can use the metaphor and monologue techniques here to describe the characters well. But there is one thing which I admit is, I saw the changes in behaviors of characters throughout the chapters.
Total: 66/100
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