The author’s handle and the graphic designer’s should’ve had a better placement. The choice of fonts was poor too. The effect you gave the cover has too much opacity; reduce it. Also, the title could’ve been portrayed in a much better way. It doesn’t really blend in with the rest of the elements of the cover.
Title: 03/05
The title could’ve been much better in my opinion. I mean, it doesn’t entirely convey how your plot goes. I mean, from the title, all I can catch is a boring cliché plot; but the book is nothing like that. So yeps, something better that’d suit the book could’ve been used.
Synopsis: 07/10
While the synopsis isn’t so bad, it does have its flaws. The first dialogue you included doesn’t stand with any relevance to the rest of the blurb. I can understand what you tried to do there, but it didn’t come out properly. Also, it was supposed to be ‘poisoned’ apple— not ‘poison’. It seemed like every part of the synopsis was random. For here and there. You know what I’m trying to imply here? Make the synopsis revolve around a single theme and then do your magic, I guess? The only problem is the dialogue and the poison apple part. The other two parts are good.
Then, the achievements and ranking could’ve been included in the first chapter of the book, or something like that, in my opinion. The synopsis of a book is only to give an insight into the book, don’t you think?
Execution: 07/10
The execution could’ve been better if I’m being honest. I’m not telling that it’s ‘bad’, I’m saying that it could’ve been better given your potential. Like, the thing is, the plot is a plus and you don’t have too many grammatical errors (though your commas are a mess). You just have to improvise your writing style. That’d probably do the magic, you know? You have to find the right way to convey your plot and concept. Maybe, you could experiment with different styles and then figure out your strengths (that doesn’t mean you should always stay in your comfort bubble, though)?
Plot: 18/20
The plot as a whole is not bad. The thing is, you could’ve executed it in a more entrancing way, you get what I’m trying to say? Like, no, it wasn’t cliché. But, you could’ve tried describing things more. You do describe, of course— but not enough. Other than that, I noticed no plot holes as such. But the flow was a bit off (I’ve mentioned why in the next category).
Writing Style: 16/20
Now, in the very first chapter, that is the introduction chap, you say ‘The damsel in distress and a laggard in love’. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with using two famous books as reference to your characters. But I don’t know, you could’ve conveyed it in your own twist of words, couldn’t you?
Also, there should’ve been a comma after ‘Taehyung’ in the sentence ‘Dauntless was he, the man named Kim Taehyung shuddering the Earth beneath his every step, his every move’.
Moving on to the actual writing style, it isn’t so bad. You have to improve you way of conveying ideas. Try changing sentence constructions.
Next, perspectives. There’s nothing wrong with writing the book in first person and changing perspectives. But, when you do that, make sure you write at least two or three chapters in the same perspective before changing it. If you keep changing it here and there, the book just loses its flow.
Grammar & Vocabulary: 15/20
First off, you have to pay attention to the tenses in the book. If you decide to write in past tense, you might as well stick to it. Switching from past to present and back to past, is both confusing, as well as wrong in a grammatical sense. For instance, in the prologue, the first paragraph goes like this: ‘My eyes flutter open as I find myself in an unfamiliar room. The next second I hold my head as the throbbing roared from within. All the previous day's events sensationally entered my mind. Clouded and uncertain, I subconsciously knew I had to get out of this room, immediately.’
In this paragraph, the first two sentences are written in present tense, while the rest of it is written in past.
There’re rules for using bold tags and italics, too. You might want to pay attention to that. You can just use italics to put emphasis on a word- bold tags are to take that emphasis to its next degree, which I think is unnecessary considering the points where you’ve used them.
There were some errors in the articles you used too. That is, there were places were you had to use ‘the’ instead of ‘a’. For instance, in the first chapter’s first paragraph, you say ‘a man retreated . . .’ It was supposed to be ‘the man’ since you described his footsteps before that.
Then, the commas. There’re a lot of instances within the book, where you do not use commas where they’re needed.
Moving onto the vocabulary. You’ve a good knowledge of words. Just that you need to learn how to arrange them properly. Like I already mentioned above, you need to improvise the sentence constructions.
Characters & Development: 08/10
The characters were good. The way you’ve given each character its own spotlight is good. I couldn’t catch much of the development since there are only so many chapters, but from what I can see, I think that the characters will obviously develop (don’t ask me how, it’s just my instinct-).
I think you could’ve done better in terms of descriptions, however. The emotions are a factor you need to pay a lot of attention to.
Total: 77/100
Final Note: I remember you! I had reviewed your book named ‘Aurora’ (I’m not sure if that’s the name) in another review shop. Thing is, I think I pointed out the same errors from before (?).Please do not get discouraged or demotivated. I’m trying to help you here and no, I’m not one to beat around the bush or sugarcoat my words. It’s pretty obvious that you have the potential to become a good writer (though I swear to god, use them commas when needed man).
You can always improve yourself and your skills with practice, patience and time, hm? Don’t hesitate to hit me up if you have any queries ;)
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