But what I didn't know was that was just a beginning
Reviewer: Remove first "was"
Chapter 2,
I was feeling very gloomy in was feeling after the locker incident
Reviewer: I don't know how to fix this, you probably know.
Chapter 1,
You become a person I never a ever think that you'll become so important to me. You'll become my hero, my sun, my moon and my everything
Reviewer: The construction of this whole sentence made me confused.
Chapter 2,
But my mind was mind was somewhere else.
Reviewer: Same mistake of repeated words but the cliche one I mentioned before is something different.
Chapter 2,
He always (spend) some alone time before entering in cafeteria
Correction: He always spent some alone time before entering the cafeteria
Chapter 3,
The rest of the day the went in haze.
Reviewer: Remove second "The"
Chapter 3,
That's mean dad is here.
Correction: That means dad is here. "That's" is contraction of "That is" so you basically wrote "is" twice
Chapter 4,
I said and went towards buying him some food.
Correction: and went to buy him some food.
Chapter 4,
Yejin, meet me at the of school, you break rule number 7
Reviewer: Missing word
Chapter 9,
Laughing Taehyung ask for him
Reviewer: Remove "For"
Spelling Mistake:-
Chapter 1,
It was way to much for an ordinary girl liked me
Correction: Like
Chapter 2,
I was holding his hand for a long time (then) usual.
Correction: Than
Chapter 2,
I was again cut by him as he shove me (again) a wall.
Correction: Against
Chapter 4,
Everyone become (quite)
Correction: Quiet
Chapter 6,
Leave my house in this (instinct.)
Correction: this instant
Chapter 7,
I never regard of headmistress having a (nice)
Spelling: Niece
Characters & Development: 4/10
The character's emotions weren't described well, they lack reactions, logical inner-thoughts. It feels like the author made them do things that she wanted them to do even if it was out of their character. Jimin made Yejin his errand girl just to test if she fit to be his ideal type but I believe that wasn't a good reason to begin their chemistry, also she didn't even question it. It's just my opinion. I suggest it would be better if he asked her to pursue his interest by giving these rules and making her run errands for him. When he was being too much on her, you should've given a reason that he wanted her to give up but she was obeying not only because of love but determination as well. Their simpleness didn't enhance the exposition much. I thought his feelings of jealousy were too rushed and early until I got to know what happened 3 years ago so it was understandable.
Total: 50/100
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