Book Name: Suryaputri Akriti
Author: kishori_writes
Reviewer: blaze blazebby06
Cover: 03/05
The cover is good, but not eye catching. It would have been appreciable if only two face claims were used in the cover instead of doubling them up. The blending can be worked upon and the font can be made a bit larger so as to make it more appealing. Moreover, a slight insight into the story (that's the emotions of the characters depicted through their eyes) would have been better.
Title: 0.5/05
The entire story revolves around akriti. Bringing her name into the title, basically just the name of the character, not only degrades the plot of the story, but also the other main characters who are involved in the plot. It should be eye catching, rather than direct titles. A title which brings about the conflicts Akriti had to face or a title which describes her as a whole would be even more presentable and precise.
Synopsis: 00/10
•Tons of grammatical errors.
"What if Surya Dev gave a daughter to kunti instead of son."
Here, you've questioned the readers which means the sentence should end with a question mark rather than a full stop. Before son, there should be an article "a". I suggest you look into the usage of articles before you begin a new chapter.
The usage of a full stop rather than a question mark is almost everywhere and I would suggest to change it.
"What if Pandu didn't got the curse."
Here, didn't got the curse is grammatically incorrect. It should rather be "what if Pandu had not been cursed?" with a question mark at the end to once again, question the readers.
"She is as calm as water as as fierce as the fire."
Here, you've inculcated literary devices but they don't actually make sense. Water is not described to be calm. It's rather an element which suits mystery, beauty, and elegancy. Moreover, the water isn't always calm as your stated. It can also come in different forms, like ice, hail, rain. All these are mostly destructive. So, usage of water to depict calmness is incorrect.
•Not a blurb at all.
Your blurb can't be considered a blurb since it's you basically asking questions to the reader and not giving insights into the story. As a reviewer, I was not interested to read the story after reading the blurb. A typical wattpad blurb should be around 200 words with 2/3 dialogues to perk up the interest of the readers so I suggest you change the blurb to a better one. Also, the addition of kaurava, Pandava relationship in the blurb would be highly impactful since not many see peace between them.
Execution: 00/10
The execution was really poor. You never used dialogues and rather made the entire plot comical. Emotions were really bland since the word usage was meagre.
Him: Hi
Her: Bye
You've adapted this sort of execution of the dialogues which is really unprofessional. Rather, it should be morphed into proper sentences.
"Hi!"he waved his hand enthusiastically.
"Bye,"she replied, sulking off.
Are you able to notice the difference? The way you write, people don't really feel anything. They just know that there is a plot and that's being executed. Other than that, nothing really perks up the interest of the reader.
The average Wattpad chapter should be around 1200-1500 words. But I don't see that word count in most of the chapters. Try to make the chapters longer and inculcate more descriptions and dialogues.
Plot: 02/20
The plot is really messed up. Right from the beginning, I've noticed inconsistency in your plot. You've gone way too fast with the pace of the plot which affects the overall outcome of the story. You've not given space for the characters to contemplate on their decisions and rather just spilled the plot. That's not really appreciable.
Take some time to skim through your characters and include descriptions. Moreover, you have literally changed destiny in your book. No one would have expected Kauravas to concile with the Pandavas. So, it's a major drawback if the execution of the plot is not done well. Moreover, none of the characters really stand out well. Everyone act like a supporting role. This can be changed if your writing style is changed.
Moving on, i think you'll have to make situations a bit more realistic. Everything seems to come nowhere out of the blue and as far as I know, Kauravas grew up hating Pandavas. So by birth, they were destined to be evil. You should have shown the transformation fr evil to the kind side rather than just jumping there just became akriti said so.
The next thing, every warrior has a weakness. When troops were sent to destroy akriti, it was said that she killed everyone in less than a minute (correct me if I'm wrong.) That doesn't seem realistic at all. Imagine a young woman slaughtering grown up warriors within a matter of seconds. That's not really appreciable. If you want to show woman empowerment, then I would rather tell you to depict it in a different way.
Writing Style: 01/20
The writing style is really poor. Improper usage of literary devices can be witnessed. No proper descriptions of the characters ans neither their emotions being described. The plot being rushed and the writing style almost making no sense. I suggest you inculcate descriptive writing in your book or that would become a major drawback for your book. Other than that, your dialogues are really bland and proper usage of literary devices can actually help in the improvement of the story.
Grammar & Vocabulary: 01/20
Your grammar is also lacking in many places. And misuse of words was seen in many places.
"Kunti was doing the pooja of Surya Dev."
Doing is not the correct word that should be used here. Rather, it should be reframed to, "Kunti was performing the Pooja of Surya Dev, chanting the mantra given to her by...."
This seems much more easier to read, doesn't it? And moreover, improper usage of adjectives might affect the entire sentence.
"But, suryadev I am unmarried." Here, a comma should be inserted between suryadev and I rather than after but. A comma is used to signify that a subject has ended and that a new subject has begun. So, please keep that in mind and execute the punctuations properly from next time.
I had noticed grammatical errors like this throughout the story. Moreover, you tend to use full stops rather than question marks in place of questions. That's really unprofessional.
Also, try to frame dialogues in such a manner that you don't use ":". I had mentioned this previously in execution and I hope you take this into your mind.
Your vocabulary is a bit poor too, considering that you make tons of grammatical errors. People tend to focus on the vocabulary, so I suggest you make it stand out a bit more rather than using the same words over and over again.
As of correcting the grammatical errors, I would suggest to use apps like grammarly or get your book into a good editing shop.
Characters & Development: 0.5/10
The characters are not well developed. The lack of descriptions make it difficult for me to make out the characters at all. I can't feel anyone's emotions. Everything feels surreal. It feels like Someone had thrown in the characters without any backstory of them. Basically, it's just that you're using the characters for the plot. You're not using the plot for the characters. There's a great difference between them and this difference has a huge impact on the entire story. With proper backstory and inculcation of emotions, I feel like the characters will be able to stand out more. Also, usage of action tags will also be helpful for the same.
Total: 8/100