SNL 2020

Over Caffeinated

Me: Don't look at me like I am ordering you to drink poison. That is not poison.

Qing: Yes, I know that. But I hate this stuff, Dayu. You know that.

Me: (grinning from ear to ear) I know. Why do you think I feel positively gleeful while readying that drink for you? I was already anticipating your face while you endure drinking it. So go on, drink up.

Qing eyed the white tea I made for him. He has a tortured look of a man who received news that he is taking too much caffeine and therefore has to moderate his intake of coffee and energy drinks for a period of time.

Which is really what happened. Qing felt off for two days so he went for a check up and his medical tests told us that he is overly caffeinated.

When we heard that disgnosis on Qing, I immediately researched for drinks that are low in caffeine and many said white tea is the answer I am looking for. So I ordered top grade white tea from a famous medicinal tea shop and made the drink for Qing who is now stalling for time to drink what I prepared for him.

Ungrateful bastard.

Me: (getting irritated) Just looking at it won't make the drink disappear. You actually have to drink it.

Qing: (giving me a beseeching look) Maybe I could just half my intake of coffee.

Me: (shaking my head) Not for another two weeks. The doctor said that you have to forgo drinking caffeinated drinks for at least two weeks. Even decaf will be too much. So no coffee for two weeks.

Qing: This is unfair.

Me: No. This is white tea. Its good for you.

Qing: (giving me suspicious look) You are enjoying this too much. Seeing me in a predicament.

Me: (smiling as I nod) Yes. I'm not gonna deny it. I am enjoying this. Now drink your tea.

Qing: But I hate it.

Me: It's alright. The tea loves you. It doesn't mind being in an unrequited relationship with you.

Qing: You are weird.

Me: And you are the one who proposed to a weird person so...that doesn't said anything good for you, my Sweat King. (pushing the tea cup towards him) But nonetheless, you still have to drink your tea.

Qing eyed the tea before shaking his head.

Qing: I can't. Why not just kill me, Dayu ah?

Me: (scowling) Don't tempt me. I might do that. And also, have I told you how much I love making tea? If this pot gets cold, I could just do another pot for you.

Qing: (groaning miserably) Maybe I'll just have more water.

Me: Okay. Sure. Have water. Have some boring water, you coward.

Qing: Dayu ah!

Me: What? That's just tea. What would people say if they learn that you are afraid of tea?

Qing: I am not afraid of tea, I just don't like it.

Me: Well, I hate exercising but you keep insisting to me that I have do it.

Qing: Exercising is good for you.

Me: And this tea is good for you. So...what now?

Qing: (groaning again) For fuck's sake. Arguing with you is making me insane.

Me: (taking pity on him) Then you shouldn't do it. Its your fault for trying to argue with me when you know all along you'll never win. Even if you get what you want, you still lose because you winning would mean I lose and I am a butthurt loser so everytime you win, I feel hurt.