SNL 2020

Mooncakes

I made chestnut, and red bean mooncakes. Two different flavors of mooncakes. And I know...I know the question running in your heads and the answer to that is yes, I know how to make those damn mooncakes! I have been making them since I was a young boy, helping my Mama and GrandMa in the kitchen. So yes, I do know how to make mooncakes! Damn it!

(Why are you using exclamation points on us? We didn't say anything...)

You don't have to say anything, I know all of you. I know you think I am nothing but an airhead whiner who does nothing but complain and bitch around while moaning at Qing to console me.

(We don't think like that.)

Oh...really. Then it must just be me. I took an assessment test online and that was about the biggest mistake I have ever done. The test result basically called me a whiny baby and I whined about it to Qing, who instead of consoling me...confiscated my laptop and told me that I am not allowed to take online personality tests ever again.

Which, to be honest, consoled me more than Qing hugging me...

No, wait...erase that...I will still take Qing hugging me over anything everyday and every time. I love warm hugs like Olaf.

Anyhow...where were we?

(The mooncakes...)

Ah right, the mooncakes. I made several batches of them so I can give some away to my neighbors and friends. And when I said neighbors and friends, I meant the Goddess and her daughter from the unit across from us.

For some reason...I just couldn't befriend or meet the occupants of the two other units in our floor. Which is weird but then there are so many weird things in this world so I guess that is not something phenomenal.

I mean...take this for example, ingrown nails.

(What? Why are we...how did we end up with ingrown nails from talking about mooncakes?)

Bear with me.

So ingrown nails, why does it occur and why for such a small thing...it is so painful. By the heavens...something that small shouldn't matter really. But no, ingrown nails could swell, collect puss and be infected. And it hurts like a bitch. I am talking with expertise on this because I experienced it just last week.

It hurts. It really hurts.

Anyways, where are we again?

(Mooncakes. But after the ingrown nail talk, we lost our appetite for it...)

Nonsense. I always have appetites for mooncakes. I love them. And Qing understood really well why I love them.

Qing: Of course you love it. Its sweet baked goods. Those are your only requirements for loving something. It has to be sweet and baked. Hence why you love cakes, cupcakes, muffins, cream puffs and cookies.

Me: Oh but my ultimate love...which is donuts, are not baked...

Qing: (scowling in exasperation) Don't get me started on donuts.

Me: But donuts...

Qing: (eyes narrowing) I said...don't get me started on donuts.

Me: (pouting) You are grumpy. Anyways, do you want to help me make mooncakes?

Qing: (blanching) Is that a real question? Do you really want me to help you make mooncakes?

Me: (laughing) Of course...not! (frowning) I don't want you near the kitchen while I am making mooncakes. You are one unreliable kitchen assistant when I made them before.