SNL 2020

Mr.Wild Side

How was your Easter everyone? Did you manage to get lots of chocolate eggs?

I gave my eggs to Qing. I served them to him in bed, while he was naked and still scratching the sleepiness from his eyes. The eggs are part of my deluxed morning service to him.

And before you ask, yes I am speaking in innuendoes. And no, this is not about sex, it's about breakfast. I cooked breakfast for Qing because I am fabulous like that, thank you for the applause. And no, I didn't serve him the eggs hanging between my legs, also known as my balls.

I served Qing poached eggs with toasts and lean ham. I also made coffee and fresh apple juice. Like I said, I am fabulous.

Qing: (staring in confusion at the breakfast tray I placed before him) Why? What did I do to deserve this?

Me: (sitting beside him) It's to congratulate you on your show that will air soon. Yay!

Qing: Ah right. That's happening.

Me: (forking some ham to feed him) (frowning) Ah right? You could sound a little more excited for this project, you know. That is allowed. No one will blame you and no one will charge you if you will be happy.

Qing: (chewing) I am excited about it. Can I have some coffee first, Love?

Me: (handing him the coffee cup) Really? Because I feel like you are as excited about it as me being excited about swimming in a pool with twenty snakes.

Qing: (smiling) Do you want to swim in a pool with twenty snakes and...

Me: No! Fuck that! I would never do that.

Qing: Okay. Just checking. Maybe something changed in your wild side.

Me: (eyes squinting) Are you implying that I am tame? That I don't have a wild side?

Qing thought for a second before answering.

Qing: I mean, aside from cliff diving, I don't think you have other extreme sports that you like. You won't even bungee jump with me.

Me: Because bungee jumping is stupid. I mean, I already know what it feels like to jump without tying both of my ankles, why would I want to dangle from a rope? That's just one step away from actually performing suicide. You know...rope and hanging...

Qing: (wincing) Your words really...

Me: (tearing up the toast and dipping a piece on some jam) Fine, that's too callous. Either way, I think bungee jumping is stupid.

Qing: (eating some toast as well) What about skydiving? Free falling? Paragliding? Can we do those?

I made a noncommital snort. Qing sighed.

Qing: (low muttering) Some wild side you have.

Me: (offended) Look here Mr.Wang, why are you encouraging me to jump from a high place but when I tried to do that from our balcony, you get furious with me?

(Ahm...Dayu ah...*sigh* never mind, Baba will surely explain the difference for you)

Qing: (stunned) Are you stupid, Mr.Feng? There is a big difference between jumping from a plane with a parachute on your back and stepping on a wobbly chair on our balcony without any parachute on your back!

Me: I know. (perking up) Should we buy a parachute and put it on everytime we will go to the balcony? I mean, the extra protections are still there...but...just imagine, a parachute.

I could just imagine it. If I am wearing a parachute while I am in the balcony, Qing will never worry again if I am in there. I will always be safe. And even if I fell from it, I will be saved because I have a parachute.