SNL 2020

Cravings

Me: (pulling on Qing's sleeve) Qing, please. Please...

Qing: (annoyed expression) Stop that. I won't go out for cheese, Dayu ah. I won't risk contacting the virus for dairy.

Me: (letting his sleeve go) Why not? If you won't risk getting sick for cheese...what would you risk yourself for?! Coward!

Qing gave me a look like I am driving him insane for being crazy for cheese. But what can I do? I'm craving for authentic Italian gorgonzola and mozzarella cheese.

Qing: (suspicious) You are not experiencing the placebo effect again, right? I mean, you cannot get pregnant, Love.

Me: (offended) I am not! That's not it! This is not...Wang Qing!

Qing: (wincing at my loudness) Then why are you acting like a pregnant woman with cravings?

Me: You don't understand pregnant women! Stop thinking like you know how it feels. And it's quite normal for any person, man or woman, to have food cravings. Now! Give me cheese! The Italian kind!

Our travel in Italy spoilt me. The cheeses there were so good, I cannot forget the taste. Now, if I am craving cheese, I want the authentic Italian taste of the cheeses we had there.

And I am begging Qing to buy me some good cheese outside. But my husband to be is saying no to my pleading. Why is he like this?

Qing: Why are you like this? Why are you doing this to me? I have papers to study, Dayu ah.

Me: Those can wait. My tastebuds can't. I need cheese. Please...

I upped the begging by knocking the laptop and cushion off Qing's lap so I can lay across from his thighs and blink prettily up at him.

Qing gave me a scowl.

Qing: It won't work.

Me: Why not? I'm languishing, Qing. See me slowly die by cheese depravation.

Qing: You are saying that while people are literally being put into lockdown all over the world? The nerve you have...

Me: Full disclosure, I don't care about other people right now. Fuck them poor kids! I want gorgonzola! If I have to walk through starved corpses to get it, I will! (sitting up) Oh! Don't you think that's a good plot for a book or a movie? Just imagine that scene. A heroine, walking along emaciated corpses after a famine ravaged the land while she is a quest to find...

Qing: The perfect Italian mozzarella?

Me: (snapping my fingers) Yes! It will be a cinematic masterpiece.

Qing: Hmmm...and what will be the title of that movie? The Italian Dairy? (whistling) That's original, I'll give you that.

I do love a man who will ride on to any of my crazy ideas and movie plots. If every lover is like Qing, the kind who can adapt to any situation, romance will be so easy. Alas, I am the lucky one who snatched him.

(You are showing off)

Whatever. Back to my brilliant idea for a cinematic masterpiece.

Me: (pouting) Well, it will be boring if the heroine is looking for a vaccine to cure virus or cancer. Or the answer to the famine. That's not original anymore. That movie was already made.

Qing: What if she is the answer she was looking for all along? The cure for the virus? The answer to the famine?

Me: And what? You will sacrifice my heroine for the good of mankind? To save the human race? No!

Qing: (pursing his lips) Why not? Why not let her save the world?

Me: Then who will get my cheeses? Who? Will you do that job for me?