SNL 2020

Misfortunes

They say misfortune comes in three and we had a three electronic mishaps in one week.

First up was my laptop. I didn't open it for two days because I was busy working and loving Qing. When I tried opening it, it won't start up. I was lost. I...I think my heart stopped for a second. So I gathered my dead laptop and ran to distress...you know it...

(Baba *sigh*)

Of course, I bothered Qing with it. Why not? Misery loves company and he is my constant companion so...

Me: (running to the living room with my laptop) Qing! My laptop is dead.

Qing: How dead?

Me: Like totally dead. It won't start up.

Qing: (taking my laptop and studying it critically) How old is this thing?

Me: Maybe five years?

Qing: (handing my laptop back to me) Buy a new one.

Me: (hugging my laptop) What?! No! I love this one. I wrote my journals with it. I have pictures here. I need this to come alive.

Qing: It's old. It needs replacement.

Me: Why is it that when things got broken in this house, your first solution was to chuck it out and buy a new one?! Is it because you have plenty of money?!

Qing: (eyes narrowing at me) Think about it for a second and then say those words again. Who is the one who likes chucking things away and buying new ones?

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I thought about it and I realized that I am the one who likes chucking little things away and buy new trinkets for us. I console myself into thinking that I am chucking things that are not expensive like rags, coasters, old pots and pans and napkins. I sometimes throw things that are still in good conditions so Qing will stop me and persuade me to put them in a box with a label "donation" on it.

I once put a pair of clippers there that are still in its packaging. I saw a clipper with cute designs so I bought two and chuck the old clippers, that are still in its packaging, in the donation box.

I have bad habits.

But that is neither here nor there. The issue now is my laptop that Qing wants me to throw away. I can't do that because...

Me: (hugging my laptop tighter) I have our vacation photos and videos here. Also my porn stash.

Qing: You have a porn stash?

Me: Well...what do you consider porn anyways?

Qing: (blinking in confusion) People fucking in a video? I think...

Me: You sounded unsure. Why?

Qing: Because there are really times when you confuse the hell out of me. I wonder if I am going stupid or if you asked a stupid question. Either way, I am confuse.

Me: Oh...well, whatever. Bases on your description, its not porn stash then. It's just photos and videos of you in sexy photoshoots. I always remind your assistant to ask for copies of videos and photos of your sexy photoshoots.

Qing: (baffled) What do you do with those things?

Me: I watch it while jerking off.

Qing: Why do you need to jerk off?

Me: Because you are not around and I have needs. Duh!

Qing: Sweet mother of...

Me: (whining) Qing! Save my laptop!