SNL 2020

No April's Fool pt4

I decided to sort out the recycle box on the condo. I grouped the bottles together, stacked the carton packages and bundled the paper materials of our waste. We do this so when we are throwing the trash away, it's easy to just put everything in its right places.

When that was done, I washed my hands and decided to get a book from our mini library shelf to take with me to bed so I can read there. But before going to our bedroom, I paused and wonder if I can have some beer while reading.

But then I remembered Qing's face when he got home just to find me and JiJi both tipsy in the living room so I decided to stop drinking alcohol for today. I mean, I may sometimes like to push Qing's tolerance for me but even I know when to stop pushing and start toeing the line your Baba drew for me.

So I went to bed with a book and a tumbler of water in hand. I settled on our bed and opened the book to start reading. It was an interesting book about a start up politician who began his journey being idealistic but ended up with the whole political system disappointing him. I was just in the part where the main protagonist was about to decide if he will leave politics or plunge his hands in its dirty plot when my eyes started to get droopy and the letter became jumbled on my head.

I was brought to alertness when my phone beeped. Qing sent me a text.

I dropped JiJi in their home safely. I get to see JR, but he's already asleep. If you are sleepy...go to bed, Love. I will be home soon. I will drive safely, I promise. No need to response to this text.

He said I don't need to response but I still did it. I sent Qing a simple text back.

I love you.

I set aside the book I am reading and instead at Qing's text in my phone. Dissecting every sentence on it. He managed to get JiJi safely in her home, what a sweet caring brother Qing is. He got to see JR, I bet my fiancé is happy about that. I think Qing knows I am feeling sleepy now...he knows me that well?

Well, he knows me enough to assure me that he will drive safely back to our home. To me. That's...Qing in a nutshell. He is careful and good at reassuring people. He's great at reassuring me.

My mouth opened wide with a big yawn and I don't know what happened next. One moment, I was staring at the screen of my phone and then the next thing I knew, the bed wobbled as Qing slipped under the covers to get beside me.

I moaned as I felt a hand lifting my head and an arm going under it. Then a hand on my cheek to turn my head a little and a pair of lips landed on mine.

I opened my eyes the same time I opened my lips to admit Qing's tongue inside my mouth. I kissed him back, eagerly. My arms lifted so I can hug him closer to me. Moaning. Sighing. More kisses.

Then Qing ended it all with a sweet nudge of his lips to mine and a bump of his nose to my nose.

Qing settled on his sides before pulling me in. I pressed my face against his collarbone and inhaled deeply. The familiar scent of his shower gel assaulted my senses. I hugged Qing tighter when I felt his lips on my forehead.

Qing: It's okay. I am here now.

Me: (sniffing because I am annoyingly emotional) You think you know me.

Qing: (hugging me tighter) If I don't know you, then no one does. I know you because I love you. And no one will love you like I do.

Me: I know.

Qing: Good. So sleep now. I'm here. We are together.

I took several deep breaths. Qing was right there, matching every inhale and exhale that I do. We breathed together. That day, someone learned about our secret and I felt expose but Qing was beside me...he is my shield and my shelter. I might feel vulnerable because JiJi now knows that I suffer from panic attacks but Qing won't let me be alone to face that. He will be beside me. He loves me.

I had a wonderful sleep that night. I woke up well rested and energized. Qing was happy to see me drink every single drop of the morning's smoothie. We got ready for work and kissed in the doorway as I left first to do my schedule.

I got a message from JiJi, I saw it the moment I woke up but I didn't check it until I was in the car going to my first schedule. In her message, JiJi asked me for a date.

JiJi: I should treat you to coffee and some good scones for the wine and cheese you served yesterday. They were good.

Me: You don't have to.

JiJi: I want to. Oh, lets get Pau to join us. That will be a perfect way for you to start asking question to our soon to be MBA holder.

Me: Oh no! Do I have to do that? Isn't that drunken talk?

JiJi: Stop whining and set that coffee date. Just do it. Message me once you know when you are free to see me and Pau. I have no time today because JR woke up cranky. He hates me for spending yesterday away from him so now he is punishing me. Ugh! Hey, are you interested in adopting a baby boy? I have one here...

Me: You are insane. Have fun being a mommy of a cranky baby.

I will admit, that convo with JiJi made my morning great. She never mentioned about my panic attacks. She never asked about my plans to tell our parents about the engagement. She just...messaged me to invite me on a coffee date. And that means a lot.

As I write this I now kept wondering why I ever thought of keeping my engagement from JiJi. Right from the start, she has been supportive of my relationship with her brother. She became my friend, a good confidante and she takes my side. She is Team Dayu as well.

I should have been honest with her. I should have told her about the engagement. I am sure now that I will receive nothing but felicitations and happiness from her. She is a wonderful person. JiJi.

And now I'm also wondering if I should start telling people about our engagement. Maybe one at a time. I should probably make a list of people I know should know about this engagement. I just have one problem.

I don't know if I should tell our parents first or should I leave them to the bottom of my list. I think whatever decision I make, there will be consequences to pay. I'm feeling scared again.

Anyways, maybe I should consult someone about this. Or is that too lame? Why am I such a wimpy that I have to ask someone's opinion before making a decision for myself?

Ugh! I hate myself.

(Dayu ah...don't be like that. Be confident. Baba is beside you. We are here too!)

Yeah, I know that. Okay! I will end this entry to make that list. I hope I make the right decision for me. Wish me luck and...

See you all soon.