SNL 2020

Short Shorts

Remember that time I got drunk and tried to tie myself with zip locks?

(Oh that...yeah we remember)

Well I did it again...

(You ziplocked yourself again? How stupid are you?)

What? No! Not the ziplock. Oh...

Wait, let me start again. Remember that time I got drunk and tied myself with ziplocks? Remember what I did before tying myself? I tried to fit into jeans that I ordered online from a clothing brand that lied to me about their size 32. The jeans that came into my hands are not size 32. It's impossible because I'm size 32 and those jeans didn't fit me. Those jeans almost killed me from lack of blood circulation.

My thighs and balls are still protesting everytime we are remembering that incident.

Anyways, I ordered stuffs online and once again, someone lied to me. Or having a laugh at my expense because the shorts I ordered online were literally short for me. I tried them on and became instantly upset when I saw that they don't fit me. So I marched to the living room, topless, barefeet and only wearing the ill fitted shorts to complain to Qing.

Me: (furious while standing before Qing) Look at these! Look at me! This is ridiculous! These shorts didn't even got to the middle of my thighs! These are not shorts! These are SHORT SHORTS!

Qing looked up from being busy on his phone to stare at me and the outrageous shorts I am wearing.

Qing: Okay...

Me: (eyes widening) Okay? Okay? There is nothing okay about this, Wang Qing! Look at these shorts. They are not right. I feel robbed. I paid money for them but not one fit me. They mislabeled the whole thing. They didn't say in the online label that will be waist high and tight fitting. My balls are being smashed in it and my butt is sticking out!

I turned around to present the back view to Qing.

Qing: Uhuh...

Me: (turning back around to face him) I will need more than "okay" and "uhuh" from you, Wang Qing.

Qing: (wincing) Love, what is going on? What are you doing?

Me: Complaining! I am complaining to you! Isn't it obvious?! And I am looking for sympathy from you because I am furious at that online store and I feel robbed! I was hoping that you will ask me what you can do to help me because this is wrong! Why...are those your only questions for me?!

Qing: (shaking his head) No. I have several other questions. Like one, where did you buy those shorts and how many available pairs do they still have because I think I need to buy them in bulk? Two, can you turn around again? And three, can you bend down a little...?

I finally saw the lust in his eyes and I got annoyed enough to snatched a pillow and smacked it at the side of my fiancé's head. When Qing "uhmp"ed and grimaced, I feel a little satisfaction.

Me: (throwing the pillow back to the couch) This is not the time, Wang Qing...not the time.

Qing: Sorry, Love...but you are parading in shorts that makes your ass stick out...and I have a one track mind...

(He he...Baba and his one track mind)

Me: I hate you.

Qing: (nodding his understanding of my feelings) I know. But what do you want me to do, Love? Do you want me to call that online store? I can do that! Give me their contact numbers...

Me: So what? So you can buy these shorts in bulk?!

Qing: That and so I can tell them how upset you are...