SNL 2020

Hickeys

Qing got pissed at me the other day.

(Is this about the bike incident?)

No. Although yeah...Qing was still pissed off about that. But this is a different matter. Qing is mad at me but not mad enough to break up with me. He does growl at me, though. And also glare at me every once in a while.

I don't blame him really...for feeling pissed. It's my fault, I will admit as much. You see, I accidentally gave your Baba a hickey.

(Wait...what?! How could you give Baba a hickey accidentally? Accidentally? That doesn't make any sense...)

Yeah...I know it sounds highly suspicious and I want y'all to know that your Baba has the same question.

Qing: How could you give me a hickey accidentally? That doesn't make any sense...

Me: (swallowing hard) You see, Wang Qing, when you are in the throes of passion...

Qing: Throes of passion? What the hell?

Me: (capturing Qing's face in my palms) Listen to me first. When you are in the throes of passion, you do things accidentally. Like say "I love you" or propose marriage in a snowy meadow or give someone a hickey...

Qing: Two. Two hickeys. My neck is sporting two hickeys from you, Feng Jian Yu.

(*gasped* Two hickeys! You gave Baba two hickeys?!)

Let me explain.

Me: (eyes shifting) You see...when you are in the throes of passion...you do things accidentally...twice.

Qing: You are recycling your explanations now? You are full of bullshit, do you know that?

Me: (letting his face go) Oh come on! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I have bitten you enough to leave marks. Do you hate them so much?

Qing: No. But you know that as an actor and an active social media poster, I cannot show marks on my body that would suspiciously give fans a reason to think that I'm having sex.

Me: (pouting) Fans are weird. We are humans too. We have needs. They should let us have sex.

Qing: Fans let us have sex. They just don't want to see evidence that their idols are having sex with vampires.

Me: I'm not a vampire!

Qing: (dry tone) Tell that to my neck.

Me: (staring at Qing's neck) Look Neck...I'm not a vampire.

Qing: (growling) Stop being a wiseass and promise me that you'll never bite me again. Accidentally or whatever...

Well, talk about asking for something impossible.

Me: How can I control my actions while I am in the throes of passion?!

Qing: Stop with the throes of passion excuse already! It's irritating me, Feng Jian Yu!

Me: Well...you bite me as well!

Qing: I bite you in places that could be easily covered with clothes.

Me: Then cover them with clothes. Or anything like a scarf...or turtlenecks...

Qing: (eyes narrowing) It's summer already. You really expect me to walk around wearing a scarf or a turtleneck? Look here Dayu ah, if I went to a meeting or script reading in a turtleneck with this kind of weather...I might kill someone before offing myself.

Me: Why do you always have to threaten me with killing someone? You are a very violent man.

Qing: (scoffing) I will be damn if I will get lectured at being bloodthirsty by someone who suggested that we should cut my finger just to get back his ring.